Some people think that teachers should be responsible for teaching students to judge wright and wrong and to behave well. Some say that teachers should only teach students about academic subjects. Discuss both views and give your opinion

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The
responsible
Replace the word
responsibility
of educators
have became
Correct subject-verb agreement
has become
show examples
a debatable topic.
While
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some people say that
teachers
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should only be obligated to educate
students
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about academic subjects, others argue that
teachers
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should
also
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be in
charged
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charge
of shaping the
pupils
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pupils'
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idea of
the
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apply
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right and wrong
as well as
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good behaviour. I can see the valid
reasonsv
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reasons
for these statements
,
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;
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however
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, I am content that the latter idea is much more
apealing
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appealing
. On the one hand, the main job of every educator is
focusing
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to focus
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on preparing
students
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for academic subjects.
To begin
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with,
broading
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broadening
knowledge is the sole reason why education
exist
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exists
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.
Therefore
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, the ultimate goal that every teacher aim to is making grades as high as possible.
In addition
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,
teachers
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are under pressure to produce academically successful kids.Similar to working in
office
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an office
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, their
pupils
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pupils'
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academic
can
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performance can
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result in
the
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an
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increase or decrease in salary for instructors.
On the other hand
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, in order to benefit
for the
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apply
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society, grade performances are not enough.
Firstly
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, it is very important for
teachers
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to teach the right
action
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actions
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and discipline to their
students
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. It is very important for
students
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to behave in a certain way when they are in a classroom.
Moreover
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,
such
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behaviour is considered respectful towards peers and enhances the
overall
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personality of the pupil.
Besides
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,
nowadays
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nowadays,
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teachers
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are considered role models, so they have a positive influence on the
students
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they teach.
Consequently
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,
students
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tend to follow the instructions of their
teachers
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more
as compared to
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than
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their parents;
hence
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, these opportunities should be availed by the educators
and
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, and
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they should encourage youngsters to behave ethically.
For instance
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, in my current role as an early childhood teacher, parents would often be surprised by the way their children behave at kinder, which is opposite to the way they behave at home. In conclusion,
while
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teaching academically is important, it is
also
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teachers
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responsible to give
students
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discipline and the right idea of
judgement
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judgment

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task response
Answer both sides in a more even way. The first side is short, but the second side has more detail.
task response
Make your opinion very clear from start to end. You do this, but some lines are not fully clear because of word choice.
task response
Add one more clear example for the first side, not only for the second side.
coherence and cohesion
Use topic sentences that directly match the question. This will make each main idea easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Some linking words are used well, but a few are repeated too much, like 'it is very important'. Try more simple linkers with clear meaning.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence connection and punctuation. Some sentences run too close together, which makes reading less smooth.
task response
You discuss both views and give your opinion clearly.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion.
task response
You use a real example from your own work, and this helps support your idea.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example
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