In some countries young people are encouraged to take a year’s break between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to take a gap year.

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It is true that nowadays young people argue about taking a gap
year
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after high school, which has important benefits,
such
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as having a mental break.
Nevertheless
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, there are
also
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the negative aspects of taking a gap period, like losing motivation for studying, to be taken into consideration before deciding whether or not to take a
year
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off. On the one hand, there are many advantages of taking a break after finishing high school, the most important of which is that
students
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will have a mental break from continuous studying. There are those who believe that taking a mental rest could improve concentration a lot, which could lead to a significant increase in
students
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’ productivity.
For instance
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, when someone executes an experiment regarding academic marks among two random
students
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who had just graduated from high school, in which one pupil decides to take a twelve-month break,
whereas
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the other applies for the university immediately after graduating, the results of the student who had a break and recharged his energy will likely be higher than
the
Correct pronoun usage
those of the
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other student.
This
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example clearly indicates the priority of the mental break.
However
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,
on the other hand
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, the main argument about
this
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is that
students
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who experience a gap
year
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might lose their motivation to continue their studies at the university. The reason for
this
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is that
students
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who taste the flavour of rest might enter a loop called “comfort zone loop“, in which
students
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will get used to being lazy, until a certain point where they cannot leave
this
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loop.
This
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could lead to massive career ramifications, whereby it may cause
students
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to regret their decision
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besides
Punctuation problem
, besides
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wishing they had been advised by older, wiser people,
such
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as their parents. Without good parental advice, terrible decisions can be made. In conclusion, personally, I firmly believe that the drawback of losing enthusiasm to study is definitely greater than the advantage of taking a mental break.
This
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is mainly because I think that qualifications are critical,
whereas
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wasting a
year
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on recharging energy and mentality is not.

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task response
Answer both sides in a more equal way. You talk more about the good side than the bad side.
task response
Add more clear and real examples. Your example feels too long and not very natural.
coherence and cohesion
Make your main idea very clear at the start of each body part.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas in a smoother way. Some lines are too long and hard to follow.
task response
Explain why your final opinion is stronger with one more clear reason.
task response
You answer the question and discuss both good and bad sides.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear intro, two body parts, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use linking words like On the one hand, However, and In conclusion.
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