IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In some countries young people are encouraged to take a year’s break between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to take a gap year.

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It is true that nowadays young people argue about taking a
gap
Use synonyms
year
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 after high school, which has important benefits
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such
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, such
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 as having a mental break.
However
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, there are
also
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 the negative aspects of taking a
gap
Use synonyms
year
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like
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, like
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 losing motivation for
studying
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studying,
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 to be taken into consideration before deciding whether or not to take a
gap
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year
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. On the one hand, the greatest benefit is that
students
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 will have a mental break
of
Change preposition
from
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 studying. Many people would agree that taking a mental rest could improve concentration a lot, which could lead to a massive
enhance
Replace the word
enhancement
 in productivity.
For instance
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, when contrasting two
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students
Check wording
students'
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 performance
while
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 one of them has
took
Wrong verb form
taken
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 a
gap
Use synonyms
year
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 where he travelled and entertained his break,
whereas
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 the other student did not take a
year
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 break, you will probably
found
Wrong verb form
find
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 a significant disparity regarding their motivation and often their academic grades.
Nevertheless
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,
on the other hand
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, the main argument against
this
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 is that
students
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 who experience a
gap
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year
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 might lose
intentions
Check wording
interest
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 in completing their studies at the university. The reason for
this
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 is that
students
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 who taste the flavour of rest
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 might enter into a loop called “The rest zone”, in which
students
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 will get used to
be
Wrong verb form
being
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 lazy, until a certain level where they cannot leave
this
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 loop.
This
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 could
leads
Wrong verb form
lead
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 to massive ramifications. And it may
also
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 cause
students
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 regretting their decision, and wish
if
Correct word choice
apply
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they were
adviced
Correct your spelling
advised
 by
an
Correct article usage
apply
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older people. Without good parental advice, terrible decisions can be made. In conclusion, I firmly believe that the drawback of losing motivation to study is definitely greater than the advantage of taking a mental break,
this
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 is mainly because
i
Fix capitalization
I
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 think that qualifications are critical,
whereas
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,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 wasting a
year
Use synonyms
 on recharging energy and
mentallity
Correct your spelling
mentality
 is not.

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task response
Answer both sides in a more even way. Your bad side is clearer than your good side.
task response
Add more clear and real examples. Your example is a bit hard to follow.
task response
Explain ideas more simply. Some parts are not clear, so the reader may not fully understand your point.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, middle, and end, which is good.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a more natural way. Some sentences are too long and hard to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Make each main point stronger with one clear explanation and one clear example.
task response
You answered the topic and talked about both advantages and disadvantages.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are both present and clear.
coherence and cohesion
Your ideas are grouped into clear paragraphs.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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