IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

An increasing number of people are changing careers during their working Ite. wnat aoyou think are the reasons for this? Do you think this is a positive or negative development for society?

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Try for free →
In
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
modern society ,with the quick
development
Use synonyms
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
technology and science, thereis increasing trend
about the
Change preposition
of
show examples
career
Use synonyms
changing
Replace the word
changes
. And I think there are many different
kindsof
Correct your spelling
kinds of
 reasons. And it
a
Verb problem
is a
show examples
positive thing
although
Linking Words
 there are many items become worse.
While
Linking Words
 some
people
Use synonyms
change
Use synonyms
 their
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
due to
Linking Words
the less
Correct determiner usage
fewer
show examples
 opportunities and
strongestcompetition
Correct your spelling
stronger competition
. Many
people
Use synonyms
change
Use synonyms
 their
Use synonyms
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
 for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
better
development
Use synonyms
 and
thevarious
Correct your spelling
the various
experiences
Use synonyms
. Some
people
Use synonyms
change
Use synonyms
different
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
careers for many
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
,
firstly
Linking Words
,there
aremany
Correct your spelling
are many
people
Use synonyms
go
Correct pronoun usage
who go
show examples
 to
change
Use synonyms
 their work for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
different and various
experiences
Use synonyms
. If
theychange
Correct your spelling
they change
 their
careers
Check wording
career
show examples
 style, they will do
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
different kinds of jobs. And
then
Linking Words
,they
wouldhave
Correct your spelling
would have
 different
experiences
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, with
quick
Correct article usage
the quick
show examples
development
Use synonyms
 of
industry
Correct article usage
the industry
show examples
, there
arevarious
Correct your spelling
are various
 new jobs and demands. At the same time, the employees now
also
Linking Words
 have
moreopportunities
Correct your spelling
more opportunities
 to develop different skills and
also
Linking Words
 master more practical skills andabilities in fact. So they enter
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 different
career
Use synonyms
 for the better developed opportunities.What's more, unfortunately, there are
also
Linking Words
 many
people
Use synonyms
 who have to
change
Use synonyms
 their
careerdue
Correct your spelling
career due
 to the
more and more
Rephrase
increasingly
show examples
 strict
competitions
Check wording
competition
show examples
instead
Linking Words
 of finding
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 different
careerpositively
Correct your spelling
career positively
. I think
this
Linking Words
 really is
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 positive
development
Use synonyms
 for society
Punctuation problem
, although
show examples
Although
Linking Words
 there are many thingswhich becomes worse. When the
people
Use synonyms
 who
change
Use synonyms
 their
career
Use synonyms
 positively would fostertheir curiosity and have more and more new
experiences
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, after stronger andstronger competitions, there will be more excellent employees leaving
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
company
Use synonyms
.
As a result
Linking Words
, the
company
Use synonyms
 will gain
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 better rate of production. And the
company
Use synonyms
canwelcome
Correct your spelling
can welcome
 the better future. Generally,
people
Use synonyms
change
Use synonyms
 their
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
 to get different and various
career
Use synonyms
experiences
Use synonyms
.Sometimes, they
change
Use synonyms
 their job just as
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 result of the stronger
competitions
Check wording
competition
show examples
 and
theless
Correct determiner usage
fewer
show examples
 opportunities in the
company
Use synonyms
. And
this
Linking Words
 would be a good and positive trend in
myopinion
Correct your spelling
my opinion
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Answer both parts more fully. You give reasons and your view, but some ideas are short.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer main ideas in each body paragraph. One paragraph should focus on reasons, and one on why it is positive or negative.
task response
Add one or two clear real examples. This will make your ideas stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas in a simpler and cleaner way. Some lines repeat the same point many times.
task response
Explain why career change helps society with more detail, not only workers and companies.
coherence and cohesion
Check paragraph order and sentence flow. A few parts feel hard to follow.
task response
You answer the full question and give a clear opinion that it is positive.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task response
You include some reasons for career change, such as new chances, skill growth, and strong job competition.
coherence and cohesion
You use basic linking words like 'moreover', 'for example', and 'generally'.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: