IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Thetablebelowshowsthenumberofvisitorsgoingtotheheritagesitesinsixregionsinthe Australiafrom1996to2000.

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The table compares the number of
visitors
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 to six heritage sites in Australia in three specific years: 1996, 1988 and 2000.
Overall
Linking Words
, the Great Barrier Reef was consistently the most popular site by a significant margin and experienced substantial growth over the period.
While
Linking Words
 the Blue Mountains and Tasmania Wilderness saw a steady, moderate increase in
visitor
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numbers
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, the Central Eastern Rainforest Reserve showed a gradual decline. The remaining two sites, Shark Bay and Macquarie Island, displayed fluctuating trends and attracted far fewer
visitors
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. In 1996, the Great Barrier Reef attracted 1.67 million
visitors
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, a figure that rose sharply to 2.95 million in 1998 before climbing more modestly to 3.2 million in 2000.
Linking Words
similarly
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Similarly
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, the Blue Mountains and Tasmania
Wildernes
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Wilderness
 experienced consistent growth,
visitor
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numbers
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 to the Blue Mountains increased from 526,000 to 581,000,
while
Linking Words
 Tasmania
Wildernes
Correct your spelling
Wilderness
 saw a rise from 450,000 to 483,000 over the period.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the Central Eastern Rainforest Reserve witnessed a steady decline, with
visitor
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numbers
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 falling from 810,000 in 1996 to 770,000 in 2000.
the
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The
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 other two sites showed less consistent patterns. Shark Bay’s
visitor
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numbers
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 peaked at 102,000 in 1998 before dropping to 89,000 in 2000.
Linking Words
lastly
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Lastly
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, Macquarie Island recorded the lowest figures
overall
Linking Words
, fluctuating between just 310 and 350
visitors
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 throughout the period.

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task response
For task response, check the years carefully. You wrote 1988, but the task says 1998. This is an important mistake.
task response
For task response, give a clearer overall summary of all six places. Your overview is good, but it could say more clearly which site was lowest and which changed the most.
task response
For task response, be careful with data units. '310 to 350 visitors' seems very low, so check if the table shows thousand or exact numbers.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, your essay has a clear paragraph plan, which is good. But some linking words need capital letters, such as 'Similarly', 'The', and 'Lastly'.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, some sentences are too long or joined in a weak way. Split long sentences to make the meaning easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, use commas and full stops more carefully. This will help the reader follow your ideas step by step.
task response
For task response, you covered all six heritage sites and included key numbers.
task response
For task response, your overview identifies the main trends well, especially the strong rise of the Great Barrier Reef and the fall in the rainforest site.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, the essay is organized into clear paragraphs with an introduction, overview, and detail paragraphs.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, you use linking words like 'Overall', 'In contrast', and 'Lastly' to guide the reader.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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