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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The line graph below showes the information about the consumption of fast food (pizza, fish and chips, hamburgers) by Australian teenagers between 1975 and 2000.

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Introduction
The line graph provides information about the consumption of fast food by Australian teenagers between 1975 and 2000.
Body · 1
Overall
Linking Words
,
hamburger
Check wording
hamburgers
show examples
 and
pizza
Use synonyms
 grew rapidly in popularity,
whereas
Linking Words
 fish and chips experienced a massive decline.
Linking Words
Subsequently
Add a comma
Subsequently,
show examples
 hamburgers became the most consumed fast food by the end of the period.
Body · 2
Looking at
pizza
Use synonyms
 and hamburgers, both showed an upward trend during the period. In 1975, teenagers in Australia ate
pizza
Use synonyms
 about 5
times
Use synonyms
 per year,
while
Linking Words
 hamburgers were eaten around 10
times
Use synonyms
. After that, the figures increased steadily. Hamburger consumption rose sharply and reached about 100
times
Use synonyms
 per year in 2000.
Likewise
Linking Words
, the number for
pizza
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 grew gradually to approximately 85 by the end of the period.
Conclusion
In contrast
Linking Words
, fish and chips became less popular over time. In 1975, it was the most commonly eaten fast food
at
Punctuation problem
, at
show examples
 around 100
times
Use synonyms
 per year.
Although
Linking Words
 the figure increased slightly in 1985, it
then
Linking Words
 started to decline significantly. By 2000, Australian teenagers ate fish and chips only about 40
times
Use synonyms
 annually.

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task response
For task response, add one more clear overview point, such as when fish and chips started to fall and when hamburgers went to the top.
task response
For task response, be very careful with small data words. Write 'shows' not 'showes' in the task line, and use exact numbers only when the graph is clear.
coherence cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, your essay is easy to follow, but you can make one more clear split: one body for pizza and hamburgers, and one body for fish and chips.
coherence cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, use more link words with care, such as 'by contrast', 'meanwhile', and 'over the same time'. Do not use too many.
task response
For task response, you give a clear overview of the main trends and you compare all three foods.
task response
For task response, you use key data well, like the rise of hamburgers to about 100 and the fall of fish and chips to about 40.
coherence cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, your essay has a clear start, overview, and two body parts.
coherence cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, ideas move in a logical way and most sentences connect well.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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