Some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other. Discuss both these views and give yourown opinion.

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Introduction
Pursuing efficiency is necessary for
companies
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and individuals to increase profits and improve grades, leaving people discussing whether we should advocate
competition
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in various aspects of life or cooperate more with people around us.
This
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essay will discuss both viewpoints before agreeing with the latter one.
Body · 1
Competition
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remains highly effective in establishing
companies
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' reputations and attracting investment in the long term.
Although
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positive
competition
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can lead to stress and anxiety, it has a high possibility of bringing out employees' and students' potential. Reasonable anxiety and stress are able to prompt candidates to absorb relevant knowledge and practice skills as much as they can in a limited time, which is difficult to achieve in a non-competitive environment. Schools and
companies
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containing more people who possess
this
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attitude will effectively filter out candidates with consistently higher quality. Over time, these schools and
companies
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will accumulate reputations, attracting sponsors.
Therefore
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, the effectiveness of
competition
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is debatable, especially in the long run.
Body · 2
While
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a competitive mindset fosters individual development, cooperation is necessary for workplaces where teamwork is highly demanded. Cooperation among peers and coworkers plays a vital role in critical thinking and innovation. The limitation caused by individuals can be easily broken by a perspective from cooperaters, securing the comprehensiveness when solving problems.
Moreover
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, plenty of research has revealed that the
companies
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advocating collaboration end up producing more products containing innovative technologies.
For instance
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, hospitals regularly set up tutorial meetings combining various departments, allowing every physician
specializing
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specialising
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in their own fields to learn more about the operation of other departments.
This
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method can not only broaden doctors' insight into more possible solutions to diseases, but
also
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reinforce the cooperation between two different sectors, significantly raising the survival rate of patients.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
while
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competition
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brings reputation and investment, its
overall
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impact on internal efficiency is limited compared with fostering collaboration and discussion. Addressing issues
such
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as a lack of internal information exchange would likely yield more significant benefits for the general community.

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task response
Answer both sides in a more even way. The first side is explained, but some ideas are not fully clear.
task response
Make your opinion very clear from start to end. You give your view, but it can be stronger in body part too.
task response
Explain key ideas with simpler and clearer support. Some lines are hard to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a more natural way. Some parts feel forced or too long.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each paragraph and develop it step by step.
coherence and cohesion
Check unclear words like 'cooperaters' and some long sentences, because they weaken flow.
task response
You discuss both views and give your own opinion.
task response
You include a real example about hospitals, and it fits the topic well.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear intro, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Most ideas move in a logical order.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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