IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many companies sponsor sports as a way to advertise themselves. some people think that it is good for the word of sports, while others think it has disadvantages, too. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Introduction
In
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world's today
Correct word order
today's world
show examples
, more and more
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sport
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sports
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brands
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 try to market their own
equipments
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equipment
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 by sponsoring
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sport
Check wording
sports
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 tournaments. Some speakers say that these activities will lead to some adverse issues,
wheares
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whereas
show examples
 others believe that
it
Fix the agreement mistake
they
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 will improve many aspects of the
Use synonyms
sport
Check wording
sports
show examples
world
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.
Body · 1
On the one hand, objectors argue that marketing activities
wil
Correct your spelling
will
 corrupt the meanings of
sports
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.
This
Linking Words
 is because the sponsors, as
know
Wrong verb form
known
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 as,
sport
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brands
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 may
uztilize
Correct your spelling
utilise
 some tricks of
marketings
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marketing
 on their
sport
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events
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 which can delude participants and audiences that their devices can make them outperform, compared to the others.
Therefore
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,
instead
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 of
practicing
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practising
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 to become better,
people
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 pay a ton of money
on
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for
show examples
 high-end
equipments
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equipment
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 with the hope of effortless achievement.
Body · 2
On the other hand
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, with some
people
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 who are actually
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sport
Replace the word
sports
 enthusiasts, they really need
sports
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events
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organized
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organised
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 by
sports
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brands
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. It is very easy to understand that these
enterpreneurs
Correct your spelling
entrepreneurs
 can have enough budget to operate tournaments with
profession
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professional
 quality.
Moreover
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, the companies not only bring
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
professional
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sport
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sports
show examples
events
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 but
also
Linking Words
 new technologies that support
people
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 in their training and push
people
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 to break
the
Check wording
sports
show examples
sport
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world
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 records. For
examples
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example
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, in recent years, thanks
for
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to
show examples
 advanced technologies in adidas shoes, more and more runners can complete the marathon in
sub
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under
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 2 hours, which
is proved
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has been proven to
show examples
 be impossible for human beings.
Conclusion
In conclusion, albeit some drawbacks
of
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to
show examples
sport
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events
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 sponsored by
sport
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brands
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,
only
Verb problem
affecting only
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on
Correct determiner usage
a
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 minor
groups
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group
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 of lazy
people
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, there is a lot of room for benefits from these
events
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. Not only the professional and fairplay tournaments, but
also
Linking Words
hightech
Correct your spelling
high-tech
 devices are represented to the whole
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sport
Check wording
sports
show examples
 community, which urges the development of
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sports
Correct article usage
the sports
show examples
world
Use synonyms
.

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task response
Answer both sides in a more equal way. The bad side is shorter and less full than the good side.
task response
Make your opinion very clear in the introduction and keep it clear in the body.
task response
Explain your main ideas more. Some points are good, but they need one more clear reason or result.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a simple and careful way. Sometimes the flow is not smooth.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each paragraph. This will make your essay easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Check example support. The marathon example is interesting, but it needs a clearer link to sponsorship.
task response
You discuss both views and you give your opinion in the end.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task response
You use examples to support your ideas, which helps your message.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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