IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Many companies sponsor sports as a way to advertise themselves. some people think that it is good for the word of sports, while others think it has disadvantages, too. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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In today's
world
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, more and more
sports
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 brands try to market their own equipment by sponsoring
sports
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 tournaments. Some speakers say that these activities will lead to some adverse issues,
whereas
Linking Words
 others believe that
it
Fix the agreement mistake
they
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 will improve many aspects of the
sports
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world
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.
In
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From
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 my perspective, I hope that the community can gain some benefits from these sponsors. On the one hand, objectors argue that marketing activities will corrupt the meanings of
sports
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.
This
Linking Words
 is because the sponsors, with some tricks of marketing,
sport brands
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apply
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can delude participants and audiences about outperforming with their devices.
Therefore
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,
instead
Linking Words
 of practising to become better,
people
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 pay a ton of money for high-end equipment with the hope of effortless achievement.
On the other hand
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, sponsored
events
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 by
company
Correct article usage
the company
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 can provide some advantages for
sports
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 communities. It is very easy to understand that these
enterpreneurs
Correct your spelling
entrepreneurs
 can have enough budget to operate tournaments with professional quality.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the companies not only bring professional
sports
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events
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 but
also
Linking Words
 new technologies that support
people
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 in their training and push
people
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 to break
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sports
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world
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 records. In conclusion,
albeit
Correct word choice
although
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 some drawbacks to sport
events
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 sponsored by sport brands
,
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apply
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affecting
Wrong verb form
affect
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 only a minor group of lazy
people
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, there is a lot of room for benefits from these
events
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. Not only the professional and fairplay tournaments, but
also
Linking Words
 high-tech devices are represented to the whole
sports
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 community, which urges the development of the
sports
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world
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.

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coherence cohesion
Make your main idea more clear in each body part. At times, the point is there, but it is not fully easy to follow.
task achievement
Use one clear example to support each side. This will make your ideas stronger and more full.
task achievement
Your opinion is given, but it should be a little more direct and steady from the start to the end.
coherence cohesion
Some linking words are used well, but a few parts feel forced or not very smooth. Keep the flow simple and clear.
task achievement
You answer both views and give your opinion, so the task is complete.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two body parts, and an end.
task achievement
Most ideas stay on the topic of sport sponsors and their effects.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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