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Writing Samples
Band 5

The internet is an amazing invention which has changed the world. Give the advantages and disadvantages of the internet.

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Introduction
The world is changing rapidly, in
life
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 where speed and technology
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 taking first place. The
Internet
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 has a great
affect
Use the right word
effect
show examples
on human
life
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 improvement.
Also
Linking Words
, the
internet
Use synonyms
 is an amazing invention that has changed the world.
This
Linking Words
 essay will mention the advantages and disadvantages of the
internet
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.
Body · 1
On one hand, there are numerous advantages of the
internet
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 which can be observed in
life
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. First
off
Change preposition
of
show examples
 all, the
internet
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 is linking the whole world as one place.
For example
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, two families living in two different places , one in the US and the other in the UK. They can communicate easily through social media as long as they are connected to the
internet
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.
Also
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, the cost is not that expensive.
Second instance
Replace the word
Secondly
, the
internet
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 can save community time in a great way. By using
it
Punctuation problem
it,
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people
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 can divide their work and finish it from home.
Lastly
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, by using the
internet
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 ,
many
Correct determiner usage
much
show examples
 interesting information can be learned.
Last
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 example, many universities offer online courses with cirtificate from them.
Body · 2
However
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,
on the other hand
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internet
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 does have disadvantages if it is not used well.
Firstly
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, in some cases
internet
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 is used by children ; they might use it in a bad way or talk to some bad
people
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 they don't know. Here is the role of their pearnts start to save them.
Secondly
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,
people
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 who use it during the day and night are losing the real
life
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 communication because of it
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
 it is like a drug for some
people
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.
Conclusion
In conclusion, it is clear to see that the
internet
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 has many disadvantages to be discovered.
However
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, it must be said that the advantages are the same if it is used correctly.

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task response
For task response, answer both sides in a more equal way. You wrote good points for good and bad sides, but the end is not fully clear.
task response
For task response, make your main idea very clear in each body part. Some ideas are good, but a few are hard to follow.
task response
For task response, add one more clear and real example for each main point. This will make your essay stronger.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, your essay has a clear start, body, and end. Keep this plan.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, use linking words more carefully. Some are not natural, like 'Second instance' and 'Last example'. Use 'First', 'Second', 'Finally' instead.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, check sentence order and punctuation. A few long sentences should be split into two shorter ones.
task response
You answered the topic and wrote about both advantages and disadvantages.
task response
You gave some examples, like families in different countries and online study.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You used basic linking words such as 'On one hand', 'However', and 'In conclusion'.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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