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Band 6

The internet is an amazing invention which has changed the world. Give the advantages and disadvantages of the internet.

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Introduction
The world has undergone many changes, and technology is a big reason. The
internet
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 has impacted
on
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society in a meaningful way. It is truly a wonderful invention.
This
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 essay will examine the advantages and disadvantages of the
internet
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.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, the
internet
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 has an advantageous impact on society.
Firstly
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, it is amazing for education.
For instance
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, teachers
use
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 the
internet
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 for teaching in a more fun way by using videos and pictures, which helps them.
Also
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, students can access the
internet
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 to
use
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 for research and projects.
Secondly
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 , social media can be tremendously helpful.
Furthermore
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, through twitter
people
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 will know the latest news around the whole world.
Also
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, they
use
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 Instagram to share their life stories with others.
Thirdly
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, the easiest way for entertainment could be found online.
For example
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 , playing different kinds of video games is very popular today.
Also
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,
people
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 could watch their own TV shows and programs.
Body paragraph 2
On the opposite side , there are serious disadvantages to the
internet
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. First of all,
people
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 spend multiple hours without sensation.
Furthermore
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, they skip their sleep time throughout the night , playing online games.
Also
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, it affects their communication with their family and friends in real life by spending their time alone.
Secondly
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, the
internet
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 could be harmful for kids.
For instance
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, many kids
use
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 it without any supervision from their parents.
Also
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, there are numerous
people
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 who abuse kids on the
internet
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, which could negatively affect their lives.
Thirdly
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, hackers are a huge widespread problem.
For example
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 , these
people
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use
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 their knowledge and intelligence to steal bank accounts
,
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 and personal information.
Also
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, they can impersonate governmental entities to scam
people
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.
Conclusion
In conclusion, it is clear to see that the
internet
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 has brought multiple advantages to society.
However
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, there are
also
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 some terrible disadvantages as well.

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task response
You answer both parts of the question. To make your ideas stronger, explain each main point more. For example, say how online study helps students learn at home or find new facts fast.
task response
Some examples are clear, such as videos in class, news on Twitter, and online games. Add one short, real result after each example. This will make your points more full and clear.
task response
Avoid very broad words such as “wonderful” and “terrible”. Say exactly why something is good or bad. For example, online games can cause less sleep and less time with family.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear plan: an opening, good points, bad points, and an ending. Keep this plan, but give each body paragraph fewer main ideas so you can explain them well.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. You often use “Also” and “Furthermore”. Try other simple links, such as “As a result”, “For this reason”, “However”, and “In addition”.
coherence and cohesion
Make the link between sentences more direct. For example, after saying that people play games all night, write: “As a result, they may not sleep enough for work or school.”
coherence and cohesion
The end repeats the main idea, which is good. Make it stronger by giving a final view: the internet is useful when people use it with care and parents guide children.
task response
You give several clear good points and bad points about the internet, including study, news, fun, sleep, child safety, and scams.
task response
Your examples are related to your main ideas and help the reader understand what you mean.
coherence and cohesion
The opening clearly tells the reader what the essay will discuss.
coherence and cohesion
The body paragraphs are easy to follow because you separate the good side from the bad side.
coherence and cohesion
The ending gives a clear summary of both sides of the topic.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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