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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The internet is an amazing invention which has changed the world. Give the advantages and disadvantages of the internet.

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The
internet
Use synonyms
 has changed society and how
people
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 live. Many
people
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 believe that it brings nothing but positive attributes. Others believe that it has created some serious problems.
This
Linking Words
 essay will examine both the advantages and disadvantages of the
internet
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. On the one hand, there are multiple
advantges
Correct your spelling
advantages
 to the
internet
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.
First,
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education is amazing
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the
internet
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.
there
Capitalize the proper name
There
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 are lots of benefical use of education
in
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on
show examples
 the
internet
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.
for
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example
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,due
the
Change preposition
to the
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 hardest time in
life
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.
people
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 still had the
oppurtunity
Correct your spelling
opportunity
 to study,
also
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 be able to get
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
 of knowledge which can help them in the future and is
alot more
Correct your spelling
a lot
 easier.
secondly
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 in the intertnet
people
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 can gather information that would help them,acknowledge new
things
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,
in other words
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 leran new
things
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 that they never
heared
Correct your spelling
heard
 about before.
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last
Capitalize the word
Last
show examples
 but not least,
comminucation
Correct your spelling
communication
 is
also
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 one of the good
advantges
Correct your spelling
advantages
,it can make
easier talk
Correct word order
talking easier
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 with family members through hard times,
also
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 can make
people
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 believe that nothing can stop them from having contact
to
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with
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people
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, Friends, or family
memebers
Correct your spelling
members
,
Punctuation problem
.
show examples
For
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example
Add a comma
example,
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 Adults that were offered to work in a place
that is
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 far from their childrens, wouldnt reject doing that knowing there is
comminucations
Correct your spelling
communication
 going on
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the
internet
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.
On the other hand
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, there are unbelievable
disagdvantges
Correct your spelling
disadvantages
 to the
internet
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.
Firstly
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,
waste
Correct article usage
a waste
show examples
 of time that would take away important
things
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 in
life
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 that a person should focus on.
Example
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,
Having
Fix capitalization
having
show examples
 a test to do
tommorrow
Correct your spelling
tomorrow
, but a person is giving the
internet
Use synonyms
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
 of effort
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
and time
instead
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 of actually studying
,
Correct word order
. Secondly,
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secondly
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 the hackers that
people
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arent
Correct your spelling
aren't
 aware of
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the
internet
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, that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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 cause lots of problems in
life
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,
Punctuation problem
;
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they take away a
persons
Check wording
person's
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life
Use synonyms
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also
Punctuation problem
, also
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, taking advantage of
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people
Punctuation problem
people,
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 that would cause a harmful ending.
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lastly
Fix capitalization
Lastly,
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 there are
things
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in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the
internt
Correct your spelling
internet
 that are bad
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 can affect childrens, on the younger ages do
things
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 that
arent
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aren't
 supposed to be done,
for
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example
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 watching a trend
that is
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 done
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 makes the child
wants
Correct subject-verb agreement
want
show examples
 to do it even if
its
Use the right word
it's
show examples
 harmful. In conclusion, it is clear to see that the
internet
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 has brought many useful and wonderful advantages to society.
However
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, it must be noted that it
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also has
Correct word order
has also
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 created some problems and disadvantages for some
people
Use synonyms
.

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task response
Answer both sides in a more equal way. Your good side is clearer than your bad side.
task response
Add one clear main idea for each point, then explain it with one simple example.
task response
Keep your ideas on the topic. Some lines are hard to follow because they are too long.
coherence cohesion
Use clear topic sentences at the start of each body paragraph.
coherence cohesion
Link ideas with simple words like first, also, for example, however, and finally.
coherence cohesion
Break very long sentences into two or three shorter ones.
task response
You answered both advantages and disadvantages.
task response
You gave some examples about study, family contact, and online danger.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion.
coherence cohesion
The order of ideas is mostly easy to see: good side first, bad side next.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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