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Writing Samples
Band 3.5

The internet is an amazing invention which has changed the world. Give the advantages and disadvantages of the internet.

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Introduction
NOWADAYS, THE
INTERNET
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 IS AN IMPORTANT ISSUE. IN
THIS
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 ESSAY WILL DISCUSS BOTH POSITIVE AND NEGATIVE VIEWS AND GAVE MY OPININ.
Body paragraph 1
ON THE ONE HAND, THERE ARE SEVRAL POSITIVE AGVANTAGES IN THE
INTERNET
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. ONE OF THE MAIN
REASON
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REASONS
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 IS THAT
COMUINCATION
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COMMUNICATION
 PLAYS A HUGE ROLE IN
TODAYS
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TODAY'S
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 LIFE.
THIS
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 IS BECAUSE MANY
PEOPLE
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 TRULY BELIEVE IT IS A GREAT IDEA TO
KEEP-ON
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KEEP ON
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 WITH
THERE
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THEIR
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 FAMILY AND FRIENDS.
FOR EXAMPLE
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, ENRINTANMENT A LARGE NUMBER OF
PEOPLE
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 REALLY DO
INJOY
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ENJOY
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 THE AMOUNT OF GAMES
IN
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ON
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 THE
INTERNET
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.
IN ADDITION
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, AN AVRAGE RANGE OF
PEOPLE
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 USE THE INTERENT FOR STUDYING OR EVEN LRANING LKE READING ABOUT AN OLD FIRRY TIEL.
Body paragraph 2
ON THE OTHER HAND
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, THERE ARE SEVRAL ARGUE AMOUNG THE
INTTERNET
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INTERNET
 THAT
LEEDS
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LEAD
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 TO A NEGATIVE
EFFICT
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EFFECT
.
THIS
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 IS BECAUSE MANY
PEOPLE
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 STARTED TO
NOTESED
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NOTICE
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 IN
THEMSALFS LIZEYNESS
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THEMSELVES LACK OF ENERGY
 AND THE
REDUCE
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REDUCTION
 OF
EXCARSIZE
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EXERCISE
.
AS WELL AS
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,
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apply
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 HEALTH ISSUES BY STAYING AT HOME AND NOT EVEN TRYING TO WORKOUT
SOME
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, SOME
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PEOPLE
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 MAY START TO SUFFER FROM DIFFRENET TYPE OF
DISASSES
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DISASES
.
AS A RESULT
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, HACKERS MAY ENTER THE
INTERNET
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AND
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, AND
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ALOT
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A LOT
 OF
CASSIS
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CASES
 ARE
SUCCED
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SUCCESSFUL
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 BY HACKERS WHO ARE ENTERING
PRIVITE
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PRIVATE
 EMAILS AND
EVN DOCUMMIS
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EVEN DOCUMENTS
.
Conclusion
IN CONCLUSION,THERE ARE
SEVRAL
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SEVERAL
 REASONS WHY THE ADVANTAGES
OUTWIEGHT
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OUTWEIGH
 THE DISADVANTAGES, IS THAT NOWADAYS
PEOPLE
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 REALLY DO
TINK THET
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THINK THAT
 THE
INTERENT PALYS
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INTERNET PLAYS
 THE ROLE OF KEEPING EVERYONE
ONTUCH
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IN TOUCH
. I TRULY AND STRONGLY BELIEVE THAT THE
INTERNET
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 MAY HAVE
THE
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A
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 NEGATIVE SIDE
BUT
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, BUT
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 THE POSITIVE WILL OUTSTAND THE BAD
EFFICTS
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EFFECTS
.

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task response
You talk about both good and bad sides, and you give your own view at the end. This answers the main task. However, some ideas are hard to understand because the words and sentences are not clear.
task response
Give one clear main idea in each body part. For the good side, write about keeping in touch, study, and fun. For the bad side, write about less exercise, health, and unsafe private details.
task response
Use clear, real examples. For example: “People can video call family who live far away.” For study: “Students can watch lessons and read books online.”
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main parts, and an ending. Keep this plan, but make each paragraph focus on one main point.
coherence and cohesion
Use link words in a simple way: “First,” “For example,” “Also,” “However,” and “As a result.” Do not use a link word if the next sentence does not clearly show the result.
coherence and cohesion
Make sentences short and clear. For example, write: “The internet helps people keep in touch with family and friends.” Then explain why and add an example.
coherence and cohesion
Check key words before you finish. Many spelling errors make the meaning hard to follow, such as “internet,” “communication,” “exercise,” “diseases,” and “private emails.”
task response
You include both the good and bad sides of the internet, so your answer stays on the topic.
task response
Your ending clearly says that you think the good sides are stronger than the bad sides.
coherence and cohesion
You use a useful essay plan with “On the one hand,” “On the other hand,” and “In conclusion.”
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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