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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many places, new homes are needed, but the only place available for building them is in the countryside. Some people believe it is more important to protect the countryside and not build new homes there. What it your opinion about this?

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Introduction
People
Use synonyms
 need new houses, but
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
there are some
avaliable
Correct your spelling
available
 locations in rural
areas
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.
While
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,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 some
people
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 think
that
Linking Words
is
Correct pronoun usage
it is
show examples
 significant to protect these
areas
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 and keep them as they are. In my opinion, rural
areas
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 is the places that most of
farmers
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 live in, when the farming industry in to. So, sometimes, any kind of new buildings that come with
people
Use synonyms
, businesses,
also
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 different actions from their usual lifestyle. All
thses
Correct your spelling
these
 can harm
this
Linking Words
 industry in
a
Correct article usage
one
show examples
 way or another. Because of
Linking Words
this
Punctuation problem
this,
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 they must be the same without
new
Correct article usage
a new
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 building.
Body · 1
Firstly
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,
countryside
Correct article usage
the countryside
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 may have a lot of
Use synonyms
farmers
Replace the word
farming
residents
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, because these
areas
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 are suitable for them and their job as
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
farmers
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. When in those
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areas
Punctuation problem
areas,
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 they can find empty spaces to cultivate
crops
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 or other useful materials
such
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 as
cottons
Check wording
cotton
show examples
.
Additionally
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, those
farmers
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 may tend
the
Change preposition
to the
show examples
 quietness of these
areas
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 that have.
Linking Words
Also
Punctuation problem
Also,
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 without
have
Wrong verb form
having
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 any factories or crowded
anywhere them
Check wording
areas
show examples
,
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while
Correct word choice
apply
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this
Linking Words
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
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 them to save
their
Change the pronoun
the
show examples
 quality of their
crops
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. When if any factories around their spaces that can be able to harm their soils
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
 their waste and
emssions
Correct your spelling
emissions
.
Change the punctuation
?
show examples
Body · 2
Meanwhile, if anyone
permits
Wrong verb form
is permitted
show examples
 to build new houses in these
areas
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,
this
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 can come with a lot of other actions with it.
While
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,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 building after building,
this
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 can create new
areas
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 in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 countryside.
In addition
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, new
people
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 who need to open new businesses for their living.
After
Change preposition
Over
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 time, these
areas
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 may transfer to urban
areas
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 with the
permitting of arriving
Replace the word
arrival
 of new
people
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. So the old
residents
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 can be
distrupted
Correct your spelling
disrupted
 by
this
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, in different ways.
First,
Linking Words
they cannot find new places to cultivate
crops
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 as much as before,
when
Correct word choice
which
show examples
this
Linking Words
 can lock the
country
Check wording
country's
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 yearly collection of
crops
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 to become bigger.
Secondly
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, new
people
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's cars and businesses can harm
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farmers's
Check wording
farmers'
show examples
crops
Use synonyms
 by their waste and the increasing of cars emssions. So
this
Linking Words
 can affect the quality of the soil in
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 bad way.
Conclusion
In conclusion, for me,
countryside
Correct article usage
the countryside
show examples
 can have a lot of
farmers
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when those
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
who give us our fruits and most of our daily products. So they need new spaces to
florish
Correct your spelling
flourish
 their farming industry. Unlike if there are new
residents
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, they might be harmed by their actions. So
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
those
areas
Use synonyms
 must be
protacted
Correct your spelling
protected
 from new buildings and
residents
Use synonyms
.

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task response
For task response, answer the question more directly in the first paragraph. Say clearly that you think the countryside should be protected, and keep this idea clear all through the essay.
task response
For task response, explain your main ideas more fully. You talk about farmers, crops, and pollution, but some parts are not fully clear or are too general.
task response
For task response, add one simple and real example. For example, say how new roads, shops, or houses can take farm land and make food production lower.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, your essay has a basic structure with introduction, body, and conclusion, which is good. But many sentences are hard to follow because of grammar and word order problems.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, use linking words more carefully. You use words like 'while', 'also', and 'when' too often, and sometimes in the wrong place. Use simple links like 'first', 'second', 'for example', and 'therefore'.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, make one clear main idea in each paragraph. Then support it with two or three simple sentences. This will help your writing feel more organized.
task response
For task response, you give a clear opinion. You say that building in the countryside can hurt farm land and farmers' lives.
task response
For task response, your ideas stay mostly on the topic of homes, countryside, and farming, so the essay is relevant to the question.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, your essay has an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This is a good basic essay shape.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, you try to use linking words to connect ideas, which shows good effort.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Environmental conservation
  • Natural habitats
  • Biodiversity
  • Ecosystems
  • Disruption
  • Sustainable development
  • Housing density
  • High-rise buildings
  • Urban expansion
  • Renovation
  • Infrastructure costs
  • Local rural economies
  • Quality of life
  • Community cohesion
  • Noise pollution
  • Green space
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