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Writing Samples
Band 5

Write a letter to the store manager. In your letter: describe the mobile phone you bought explain the problems you experienced with it say what you would like the manager to do

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Dear Sir/Madam, I am writing
this
Linking Words
 to complain about a bad experience that I faced during my flight from Mumbai to Toronto. On 12th May 2026,
My
Fix capitalization
my
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 whole family and I were travelling from BOM to YYZ, it was a 16-hour flight.
However
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, after the takeoff, we
got to know
Verb problem
found out
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 that your aircraft does not provide any vegetarian
meal
Fix the agreement mistake
meals
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.
While
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 booking the tickets, it particularly showed the veg options in the menu.When confronted, the cabin crew were quite rude about
this
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 matter.
Due to
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this
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, my whole family was left hungry during the whole flight as we did not have anything to eat.
Moreover
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, my parents couldn't even take their medicines and got ill as soon as we reached home. I would like to recommend keeping some extra food on each and every aeroplane as an emergency
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 give
sometraining
Correct your spelling
some training
 to the airhostesses before letting them work inside the plane. I look forward to your prompt response and a satisfactory resolution to
this
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 matter. Yours faithfully, Ayush Shukla

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task response
Task response: write about the right topic. The task asks for a store manager and a mobile phone, but your letter is about a flight and food.
task response
Task response: answer all three parts in a clear way: what phone you bought, what problem it had, and what you want the manager to do.
task response
Task response: use a more fit tone for a complaint letter. Do not say 'I would like to recommend' here. Say clearly what you want the manager to do.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: your letter has a clear start, middle, and end, so it is easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: link some ideas with simple words like 'First', 'Also', 'Because of this', and 'Finally'.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: leave a space after full stops and check small form points, so the text looks more clear.
task response
Task response: you explain the problem and the result in a clear way.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: each paragraph has one main idea, and the order is good.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: the greeting and closing are both right for a formal letter.
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