IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Today children spend a lot of their free time watching TV. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages of this practice?

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Introduction
Television is putting an influence on the
children
Use synonyms
 as they are engaging
on
Change preposition
with
show examples
 screens
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 most of their free
time
Use synonyms
.
Although
Linking Words
 they might be attaining knowledge of the current affairs that are
occuring
Correct your spelling
occurring
 all over the world, I believe that
this
Linking Words
 is proving to be a root cause of leading them to isolation.
Body · 1
Screens
is proved
Correct subject-verb agreement
are proven
show examples
 to be a useful source in providing
children
Use synonyms
 with information that could assist them in
maintain
Wrong verb form
maintaining
show examples
 their general knowledge. There are many channels like
discovery
Fix capitalization
Discovery
show examples
, History TV, and news channels that enhance the skill levels and general knowledge of the kids, and make them smart in practical terms. Many educational institutions
also
Linking Words
 endorse
such
Linking Words
 channels to explain relevant subjects like geography, political science and history.
Also
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 makes them understand the theory
that is
Linking Words
 being taught in the
school
Punctuation problem
school,
show examples
 as they are already familiar with most of the topics.
Body · 2
However
Linking Words
, televisions are
also
Linking Words
 addictive in nature, and many
children
Use synonyms
gets
Correct subject-verb agreement
get
show examples
 entertained by watching their
favourate
Correct word choice
favourite
show examples
 shows.
This
Linking Words
 could make them distant from their loved ones as they spend most of their
time
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
getting entertained. It is evident that
this
Linking Words
 course
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
show examples
 to teenagers being isolated and not engaging with the public in-person.
For instance
Linking Words
, teenagers spend most of their
time
Use synonyms
 in school, and the remaining
time
Use synonyms
 they don't interact with their family members but watch shows.
This
Linking Words
 makes them spend
whole
Correct article usage
the whole
show examples
 day without engaging with a real person and becoming aloof from the real world.
Conclusion
In conclusion, shows on television are a source of providing
children
Use synonyms
 with education
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
it
Fix the agreement mistake
they
show examples
 can
be
Verb problem
apply
show examples
make them distant from their family and the world.

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task response
Make your main answer more clear in the introduction. Say in a direct way that the disadvantages are stronger than the advantages.
task response
Add one more clear example to support your ideas. Your school example is helpful, but it is still a bit general.
task response
Explain more why learning from TV is limited. This will make your position stronger and more complete.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer topic sentences at the start of each body paragraph. This helps the reader follow your ideas more easily.
coherence and cohesion
Some linking is weak or not natural. Use simple links like first, for example, however, and as a result.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence connection inside paragraphs. A few ideas feel loose, so try to connect each sentence to the one before it.
task response
You answered the question and gave a clear opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
The second body paragraph has a clear main idea about isolation.
task response
You used an example about school and family life, which helps support your ideas.
Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cultural awareness
  • Stimulate curiosity
  • Sedentary lifestyle
  • Language comprehension
  • Desensitization
  • Educational programs
  • Social development
  • Communication skills
  • Behavioral impact
  • Comparative analysis
  • Physical activity
  • Impairment
  • Enhancement
  • Exposure
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