IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Nowadays there is a trend that media focuses on problems and emergencies rather than positive developments. Some people think that it is harmful to individual and societies. To what extent do you agree ?

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Introduction
These days, it is common that mass
media
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 only pay attention to the issues and emergencies
instead
Linking Words
 of reporting
advanatge
Correct your spelling
advantageous
 developments. Some
people
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 believe that it can be harmful to
individual
Correct article usage
the individual
show examples
 and
public
Correct article usage
the public
show examples
. Personally, I completely agree with
this
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 statement because it can
leads
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lead
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 to
affect
Wrong verb form
affecting
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 the individual's life and society.
Body · 1
To begin
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 with,
media
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 have become
an
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apply
show examples
increasingly popular
to focus
Change preposition
in focusing
show examples
 on negative developments,
such
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 as
,
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apply
show examples
dailylife
Correct your spelling
daily life
 problems, small accidents and emergencies. These
media
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 reports usually
has a
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 exaggerated or fake
informations
Check wording
information
show examples
 and news
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 leads to
people
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 worrying about their normal life.
As a result
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, it can seriously affect the mental well-being of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
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.
This
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 means that
,
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apply
show examples
people
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are
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apply
show examples
tend to be stressed
or
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, which can
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 even
leads
Wrong verb form
lead
show examples
 to suicides on themselves. A clear example of
this
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, in the US especailly in the state of Florida rate of mental illnesses is increasing day by day simply because of the fake and
overstatted
Correct your spelling
overstated
 news in
Use synonyms
media
Correct article usage
the media
show examples
.
Body · 2
Another major disadvantage of mass
media
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 is
huge
Correct determiner usage
its huge
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 impact on
positive
Correct article usage
the positive
show examples
 sides of society. The main idea here is that, when
media
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 only
focuces
Correct your spelling
focuses
 on negative trends of societies, the good side of society remains unchanged
to
Change preposition
, despite
show examples
 positive
devlopments
Correct your spelling
developments
.
That is
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 because
,
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 useful face of
community
Correct article usage
the community
show examples
 needs
encourage
Replace the word
encouragement
, support and
pay
Verb problem
apply
show examples
attention from
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media
Correct article usage
the media
show examples
.
For instance
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,
young
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the young
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 generation who started their own business recently usually
ended
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end
show examples
 up
with
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apply
show examples
closing the business
due to
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 the low interest from
Use synonyms
media
Correct article usage
the media
show examples
.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
while
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Use synonyms
media
Correct article usage
the media
show examples
 can make
people
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careful to
Correct word choice
aware of
show examples
 the problems,
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however
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apply
show examples
it can bring more negative
consequencies
Replace the word
consequences
 in terms of
personal
Correct article usage
the personal
show examples
 life of
individual
Check wording
individuals
show examples
 and to the public.

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task response
Write your main view in a more clear way in the first part. Say exactly why you agree.
task response
Answer all parts of the question. You wrote about harm, but explain more about both people and society.
task response
Use examples that feel more real and clear. Your example about Florida needs more support.
coherence and cohesion
Put one main idea in each body part, then explain it step by step.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a natural way. Some parts like 'This means that' and 'For instance' are good, but some are not used well.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence order and grammar, because some lines are hard to follow.
task response
You clearly give your opinion and keep it the same to the end.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion.
task response
You try to use examples to support your ideas.
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