IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

All people in a company should be treated equally and provided with the same amount of vacation in a year. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
It is often argued that most of the individuals must have the same amount of annual leave in an organisation
no
Punctuation problem
, no
show examples
 matter what
is their job title
Correct word order
their job title is
show examples
. I firmly agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement for the reason that holiday leave is very crucial for
everyone
Punctuation problem
everyone,
show examples
 where they have time to rest
as well as
Linking Words
 regulate
theirselves
Correct pronoun usage
themselves
show examples
 from the stressful environment.
Body · 1
The main reason is that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 all the staff in the
company
Use synonyms
 has putting their effort to contribute their skills in building the success of
Use synonyms
company
Correct article usage
the company
show examples
, so
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
the leader should
treated
Wrong verb form
treat
show examples
 the employees fairly and give them the right
numbers
Check wording
number
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 of leave that they deserve.
For instance
Linking Words
, if one staff
has
Check wording
member has
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 only 7 leave
and
Check wording
days and
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 the rest
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
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 14-21 annual leave, it is basically very unfair. Everyone
deserve
Correct subject-verb agreement
deserves
show examples
 to have a rest, if ever
this
Linking Words
 happened, I guess the other staff would affect their
well being
Correct your spelling
well-being
Linking Words
as
Punctuation problem
, as
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 a
result
Punctuation problem
result,
show examples
 they will resign from their job.
Body · 2
Another point is the way they manage their
staffs
Check wording
staff
show examples
, I have my own experience wherein
their
Use the right word
there
show examples
 is
employee
Correct article usage
an employee
show examples
which
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 is in
low
Correct article usage
a low
show examples
 position, and the boss treated her like a helper in the
company
Use synonyms
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
this
Linking Words
 woman is a degree holder
in
Punctuation problem
, in
show examples
short
Punctuation problem
short,
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 she is a professional
,
Punctuation problem
. Besides
show examples
besides
Linking Words
that
Add a comma
that,
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 she is not the apple of the eyes of the
company
Use synonyms
 because of her poor skills.
As a result
Linking Words
 of
this
Linking Words
, she look her self
such
Linking Words
 as a useless person. In
this
Linking Words
 scenario, it's really important to
handled
Wrong verb form
handle
show examples
 the
inviduals
Correct your spelling
individuals
 equally and
giving
Wrong verb form
give
show examples
 the same reward.
Conclusion
In conclusion, the people in a
company
Use synonyms
 should be treated equally and provided with the same amount of vacation
in
Check wording
time in
show examples
 a year. to help the individuals to have a break and
fullfill
Correct your spelling
fulfil
 their needs at their own pace. I strongly agree that all the employees
were
Verb problem
apply
show examples
deserve to
treated
Verb problem
be treated
show examples
 well and
giving a
Wrong verb form
given
show examples
 wonderful rewards.

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task response
For task response: your answer is clear and you agree all through the essay, but you need to explain your ideas more fully.
task response
For task response: add one more clear reason about why all workers should get the same leave, and explain how this helps the company.
task response
For task response: your examples are partly relevant, but they are not always clear. Use one simple and direct example.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion: your essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion, which is good.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion: some sentences are hard to follow because the grammar and word form are not clear. Use shorter sentences.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion: link ideas with simple words like first, also, for example, and as a result.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion: make sure each body paragraph has one main idea only.
task response
You answered the question and gave a clear opinion from the start.
task response
You stayed on the same side of the argument in all parts of the essay.
task response
You included examples to support your points.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a basic paragraph structure with an introduction and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You used some linking words like for instance and as a result.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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