IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Some people believe that children should spend more time doing outdoor activities, while others think they should spend more time using technology indoors. Discuss both views and give your opinion

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Introduction
I will
put-down
Correct your spelling
put down
 the
mater
Correct your spelling
matter
 of fact of spending time on that different solution and give reasonable reasons
explain
Verb problem
to explain
show examples
 why finding balance
is
Verb problem
apply
show examples
has more benefits than only
focus
Wrong verb form
focusing
show examples
 on
one
Use synonyms
 of them.
Body · 1
So first do outdoor
activities
Punctuation problem
activities,
show examples
 it's not only about
create
Wrong verb form
creating
show examples
 friendship but
health
Correct word choice
also about health
show examples
 and
know
Wrong verb form
knowing
show examples
 the
world
Use synonyms
 we living at, the children need to see the beauty of the things we have
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 our
world
Use synonyms
, so doing
Punctuation problem
. Doing
show examples
 outdoor activities is
opportunity
Correct article usage
an opportunity
show examples
 to face the real
world
Use synonyms
,
also
Linking Words
 to have
chance
Correct article usage
a chance
show examples
 to get
know
Verb problem
to know
show examples
 about the difference of human,
moreover
Linking Words
, we need normal children to make
good
Correct article usage
a good
show examples
world
Use synonyms
.
Body · 2
0n the other hands, the people who think spend more time using technology, might be they have point, but we need to be careful, that will affect their mantel health, that even will eat their own dreams and make them lazy to get their Goles,
moreover
Linking Words
, the skills that should be improve from meet people and face the problems of the
world
Use synonyms
, they wouldn't have it therefor that.
Conclusion
From my
perspective
Punctuation problem
perspective,
show examples
 the solution
not
Verb problem
is not
show examples
chose
Wrong verb form
to choose
show examples
one
Use synonyms
 over
Use synonyms
one
Correct pronoun usage
the other,
show examples
 but
finding
Wrong verb form
to find
show examples
 the balance between
the,
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
both are very important to get
know
Verb problem
to know
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
humanity better
,
Punctuation problem
. For
show examples
for
Linking Words
example
Punctuation problem
example,
show examples
 if
the
Correct pronoun usage
we
show examples
 need to know about
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
small
thighs
Use the right word
things
show examples
 like animals, for
sure
Punctuation problem
sure,
show examples
 we don't have all of them in
one
Use synonyms
 city
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 we have them on the
intent
Use the right word
internet
show examples
, so
again
Punctuation problem
again,
show examples
 the balance is the solution.

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task response
Answer both sides more clearly. Say more about why some people like indoor tech for children.
task response
Give one clear opinion from the start and keep it the same all through the essay.
task response
Use one or two simple real examples to support your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Make each paragraph have one main idea only.
coherence and cohesion
Use easy link words like First, Also, However, and In my view.
coherence and cohesion
Check that each sentence connects well to the next one.
task response
You discussed both outdoor time and indoor tech time.
task response
Your opinion is clear at the end: balance is best.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a beginning, body, and ending.
coherence and cohesion
Some link words are used, such as On the other hand and From my perspective.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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