IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below gives information on the numbers of participants for different activities at one social centre in Melbourne, Australia for the period 2000 to 2020. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

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The graph below gives information on the numbers of participants for different activities at one social centre in Melbourne, Australia for the period 2000 to 2020. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The line graph illustrates data on the
numbers
Check wording
number
show examples
 of
participants
Use synonyms
 for different activities at one social centre in Melbourne, Australia
from
Punctuation problem
, from
show examples
 2000 to 2020.
Overall
Linking Words
,
participants
Use synonyms
 of both
film
Correct article usage
the film
show examples
 club and martial arts fluctuated in the whole period. Individuals who join table tennis and musical performances
also
Linking Words
 shares similar trend.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, amateur dramatics is the only type dropped significantly
at the end
Linking Words
 of
period
Correct article usage
the period
show examples
.
Film
Correct article usage
The film
show examples
 club has the highest
amount
Check wording
number
show examples
 of
participants
Use synonyms
 of all the
activicties
Correct your spelling
activities
,
fluctuated
Wrong verb form
fluctuating
show examples
 around 65
people
Use synonyms
 in two decades.
Number
Correct article usage
The number
show examples
 of
participants
Use synonyms
of Martial
Change preposition
in martial
show examples
 arts
also
Linking Words
 seem a fluctuation, maintaining around 45
people
Use synonyms
 in the whole period.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
participants
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 number of table tennis and musical performances experience similar trend, increased dramatically from nearly 18
people
Use synonyms
 in 2000 to over 50
people
Use synonyms
 in 2020 and from nearly 0
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
 in 2000 to around 20 in 2020.
However
Linking Words
, the
Use synonyms
participants number of
Correct word order
number of participants in
show examples
 amateur dramatics shows a
significantly
Replace the word
significant
 drop from nearly 30
people
Use synonyms
 in 2000 to under 10
people
Use synonyms
 in 2020.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 69%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words participants, people with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "numbers of" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "fluctuated" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significantly" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • participation rates
  • trends
  • significant increases/decreases
  • stable numbers
  • fluctuations
  • overall participation
  • comparison
  • activities
  • social centre
  • Melbourne
  • participants
  • highlight
  • report
  • graph illustrates/demonstrates
  • 20-year period
  • key features
  • main features
  • statistical data
  • variations
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