IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people prefer to carefully plan activities in their free time others think it’s a waste of time. Discuss both views and give your answer?

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Introduction
Sometimes,
people
Use synonyms
 prefer a carful planning for their
activities
Use synonyms
, in their free
time
Use synonyms
. Others think
Linking Words
this
Correct word choice
that
show examples
 it is a
time
Use synonyms
 consuming for them. I will
dicuss
Correct your spelling
discuss
 both views
, in
Punctuation problem
. In
show examples
 my opinion,
activity
Use synonyms
 planning can save
people
Use synonyms
money
Use synonyms
.
Also
Linking Words
listing
Punctuation problem
, listing
show examples
activities
Use synonyms
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
 sure they will have a good times in their future trips.
Body · 1
On the one hand,
people
Use synonyms
 sometimes consider planning for
activities
Use synonyms
 as unuseful habit. Those
people
Use synonyms
 may prefer to go straight ahead without any planning.
Also
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 can give them
a
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 experience of any
activity
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
other
Replace the word
others
 sometimes take a long
time
Use synonyms
prepareing
Correct your spelling
preparing
, asking and searching for anything.
After
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 who
planning
Verb problem
are planning
show examples
 may
surprise
Wrong verb form
be surprised
show examples
 after doing the
activity
Use synonyms
. When
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 the result is the opposite
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
 what are previous expectance.
For example
Linking Words
, when
people
Use synonyms
 plan
for taking
Wrong verb form
to take
show examples
 their children
for Disney land
Change preposition
to Disneyland
show examples
.
so
Fix capitalization
So
show examples
 they are asking friends about their experiences with
this
Linking Words
 place, and maybe some of them have bad
feedbacks
Check wording
feedback
show examples
. When
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 they visit the place can find themselves
enjoy
Wrong verb form
enjoying
show examples
 and
have
Wrong verb form
having
show examples
 a good
time
Use synonyms
. So, some
people
Use synonyms
 can have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
different perspectives about
type
Check wording
types
show examples
 of games, some prefer different
sort
Fix the agreement mistake
sorts
show examples
 of
activities
Use synonyms
 than others.
Therefore
Linking Words
, unplanning can give
people
Use synonyms
 the real
experiance
Correct your spelling
experience
.
Body · 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some
people
Use synonyms
 wait
their
Change preposition
for their
show examples
hoildays
Correct your spelling
holidays
 to go for
traviling
Correct your spelling
travelling
. Sometimes, they need to go to
foreign
Correct article usage
a foreign
show examples
 country. Countries they have not been
their
Change preposition
to
show examples
 before. So, they are listing
activites
Correct your spelling
activities
 from the internet about those countries before the holiday.
Such
Linking Words
 as
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 the popular
attratcion
Correct your spelling
attraction
 they can visit or the maximum
of the
Change preposition
apply
show examples
prices there. Or if any
dangers
Replace the word
dangerous
 places or
Use synonyms
activities
Punctuation problem
activities,
show examples
 they can avoid
there
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
. When
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
 makes sure they will have enough
money
Use synonyms
 for
this
Linking Words
 trip or not. And, what they will do there exactly to avoid scams by local
people
Use synonyms
, about
prices
Correct article usage
the prices
show examples
 of
activities
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 they can go randomly to do
a
Correct article usage
an
show examples
activity
Use synonyms
.
As a result
Linking Words
 of
this
Linking Words
, they can waste
money
Use synonyms
, and feel
disapointed
Correct your spelling
disappointed
 about the
activity
Use synonyms
.
Conclusion
In my opinion,
people
Use synonyms
 planning for their
activities
Use synonyms
 is the best way to save their
money
Use synonyms
.
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 and make sure they will have a good experience.
Linking Words
Also
Add a comma
Also,
show examples
this
Linking Words
 can make sure they will not face any financial problems during their trip. When
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 they know exactly what they will do from the
activity
Use synonyms
 and the prices there before.

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task response
Answer both sides in a more equal way. Your view is clear, but the first side needs a bit more support.
task response
Give one clear main idea in each body paragraph, then explain it step by step.
task response
Use examples that are short and clear. The Disneyland example is good, but it needs simpler and clearer detail.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion, which is good.
coherence and cohesion
Some linking words are used, but many are not used well. Try simple links like 'On the one hand', 'On the other hand', 'For example', and 'In conclusion'.
coherence and cohesion
Many sentences are hard to follow because word order and grammar are weak. Make shorter sentences.
task response
You discussed both views and gave your opinion.
task response
You stayed on the topic all through the essay.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear basic shape with beginning, middle, and end.
coherence and cohesion
You used paragraphing, which helps the reader.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • spontaneity
  • efficiency
  • maximize
  • experience
  • quality time
  • unexpected adventures
  • goals
  • stress and anxiety
  • flexibility
  • fulfilling
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