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Writing Samples
Band 2.5

In developing countries people elderly percentage is increasing and birth rate is low. Discuss pros and cons

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Introduction
In developed
nations
Add a comma
nations,
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 it has become prevalent among couples to stay childless
or
Punctuation problem
, or
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 they plan only one or two children. By
following
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 trend, eventually
old people’s percentage
Correct word order
the percentage of old people
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 will be increasing compared to
young
Correct article usage
the young
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 generation.
Body · 1
There are so many positive and negative impacts from
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon. In regard to positive impacts, people can pay more attention towards their offspring.
For
Linking Words
example
Add a comma
example,
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 if parents have more
children
Punctuation problem
children,
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 it can be hard for them to provide
good
Correct article usage
a good
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 education to their kids on
lower
Correct article usage
a lower
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 income. Another benefit is that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 couples can focus on their career rather than
to
Wrong verb form
being
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 stuck in the responsibility of kids.
Body · 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there are several disadvantages of decreasing birth rates. Lower birth rates
means
Correct subject-verb agreement
mean
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 higher senior citizens. Occupations need
new
Correct article usage
a new
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 generation, new minds, new innovation from young people
as
Punctuation problem
, as
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 older generations can’t stay longer on jobs
due to
Linking Words
 their mobility.
Conclusion
In conclusion, negative impacts
overweigh
Use the right word
outweigh
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 the positive impact. Low birth rates
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 one of the serious
concern
Fix the agreement mistake
concerns
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 in
modern
Correct article usage
the modern
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 era. People should consider
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
having more than two children for the better future of their region.

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task response
For task response, answer both sides more fully. Write more about why this trend is good and why it is bad.
task response
For task response, use clearer ideas. Some points are too short, so the reader wants more detail.
task response
For task response, give one more clear example for the bad side, not only the good side.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, make each body paragraph follow one clear plan: topic sentence, explanation, example.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, link ideas with simple words like first, also, however, as a result, and in conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, check sentence order. Some ideas jump too fast, so add one line to connect them.
task response
For task response, you discuss both good and bad sides, so you answer the main task.
task response
For task response, you give a relevant example about school and money.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, the essay has a clear introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, you use some linking words like for example, on the other hand, and in conclusion.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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