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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Part 1. The bar chart shows the percentage of school children learning to play different musical instrument in 2005, 2010 and 2015. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

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The bar illustrates the percentages of school pupils are taught to play on various musical machines in 2005, 2010 and 2015.
Overall
Linking Words
,
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the end of the year,
Use synonyms
Guiter
Correct your spelling
Guitar
 had the highest learners,
while
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
Violin
Use synonyms
 was the lowest, at the same time.
Piano
Use synonyms
 and guitar had nearly the same figures
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 in the first year. But,
drums
Use synonyms
 was slightest learners in
compare
Replace the word
comparison
 with
others
Correct word choice
other
show examples
 machines, in the middle of the period. First of all,
Piano
Use synonyms
 and
Use synonyms
guiter
Correct your spelling
guitar
 accounted
nearly
Change preposition
for nearly
show examples
 the same for 10% both, in 2005. After five years,
Piano
Use synonyms
 nearly doubled to 20%,
also
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
guiter
Correct your spelling
guitar
 was higher than
previous
Correct article usage
the previous
show examples
 year with under 20%. By 2015,
Piano
Use synonyms
 had a significant increase to under 40%,
Use synonyms
guiter
Correct your spelling
guitar
 was the tallest in all time with above 40%. By 2005,
violin
Use synonyms
 stood
for
Change preposition
at
show examples
 under 10%,
Drums
Use synonyms
 was 6% lower than
Violin
Use synonyms
. In 2010,
violin
Use synonyms
 had a slight decrease
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 still under 10%, at the same time,
drums
Use synonyms
 remained the same at above 0%. By 2015,
drums
Use synonyms
 rose slightly to under 10%,
violin
Use synonyms
 had a slight decrease to above 0%.

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words guiter, violin, piano, drums with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "decrease" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slight" was used 3 times.
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