Some people think that offenders should be put in prison. Others, however, believe that providing offenders with education and training is more effective than putting them in prison. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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Introduction
Undoubtedly, with the rapid development of modern society, reducing
crime
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the crime
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rate has become a critical issue.
Whereas
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some people look upon putting
offenders
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into prison as the most effective way, others refer to providing
offenders
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with
education
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and training as a more sustainable solution. As for my perspective, I am in
favor
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favour
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of the latter, and the reasons will be elaborated on thoroughly as follows.
Body · 1
An array of causes may lead to why some people believe that
offenders
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should go to
prisons
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prison
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.
To begin
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with, prisons isolate dangerous
criminal
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criminals
from the public.
In other words
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, when
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offenders
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an offender's
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freedom was taken away, it can prevent them from harming people during their go to prison.
Furthermore
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, putting them into jail
as
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is
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a powerful tool to deter. It is widely observed that if potential criminal
witness
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witnesses
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the consequences of losing freedom, they will be afraid of being punished and choose not to
do
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commit
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crimes again.
Body · 2
On the other hand
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, as far as I am concerned, providing
offenders
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with
education
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and training is a more sustainable strategy that brings greater long-term benefits.
To begin
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with, moral and legal
education
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can rebuild
offenders
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' core values.
That is
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to say, if they learn how to respect the law,
then
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this
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shift will effectively increase their motivation.
Furthermore
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, skills training helps
offenders
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return to
the
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apply
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work.
For example
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, when they learn carpentry or computer programming, they can easily search
employment
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for employment
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after
out
Verb problem
getting out
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of prison.
Therefore
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,
it is clear that
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this
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job stability will significantly increase employment rates and balance the social structure.
Conclusion
In conclusion, I believe that providing criminals with
education
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and training is a more sustainable strategy that brings long-term benefits.
Thus
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, it is highly recommended that the government should plan the system when
offenders
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out of
Verb problem
are released from
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jail to ensure a better outcome.

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task response
Answer both sides more fully. Your view is clear, but the prison side needs more detail.
task response
Add one more clear example for each main idea. This will make your points stronger.
task response
Explain ideas in a more direct way. Some parts are hard to follow because grammar errors change the meaning.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer topic sentences at the start of each body paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words like 'first', 'also', 'for example', and 'as a result'.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure each sentence connects well to the next one. A few lines feel broken or unclear.
task response
You answered both views and gave your own opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use paragraphing well, and the order of ideas is easy to see.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Deterrent
  • Recidivism
  • Rehabilitation
  • Vocational training
  • Retributive justice
  • Reintegration
  • Taxpayers
  • Social isolation
  • Stigmatization
  • Criminal identity
  • Self-esteem
  • Public opinion
  • Societal gains
  • Offenders
  • Imprisonment
  • Cost-effective
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