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Writing Samples
Band 3.5

More and more people are relying on their private cars as a major means of transportation. Describe some of the problems over-reliance on cars can cause, and suggest at least one possible solution.

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Introduction
Nowdays
Correct your spelling
Nowadays
, there is
a
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 increase in
number
Correct article usage
the number
show examples
 of people who rely on private cars as the main transport method.
This
Linking Words
 has created
serveral
Correct your spelling
several
 issues all over the globe
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 in
this
Linking Words
 essay I will discuss the
problems
Use synonyms
as well as
Linking Words
 giving solution to these
problems
Use synonyms
.
Body · 1
First of all , most of Earth's
problems
Use synonyms
 are from private vehicles. Environmental degradation
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such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as air pollution, excessive greenhouse gas emissions, and noise pollution from the heavy reliance on
cars
Punctuation problem
cars,
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 can contribute significantly to climate change and damage ecosystems.
Secondly
Linking Words
, over-dependence on private vehicles leads to increased traffic congestion, causing longer travel times and stressful commutes for city dwellers.
Finally
Linking Words
 , cars contribute to the rapid depletion of natural resources like fossil fuels, leading to their eventual rarity and driving up energy costs.
Body · 2
In order to solve these
problems
Use synonyms
 , the following actions have to be taken.
Firstly
Linking Words
, governments should introduce public transport service schemes.
This
Linking Words
 will reduce people's need for private transportation.
In addition
Linking Words
,
Encouraging
Fix capitalization
encouraging
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 urban planning that supports mixed-use developments can reduce the necessity of long commutes and support walking, cycling, or the use of public transport.
Conclusion
In conclusion, as harmful as the situation
maybe
Use the right word
may be
show examples
,
corporation
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cooperation
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 of both governments and citizens can greatly reduce the
harms
Check wording
harm
show examples
 that it
cause
Correct subject-verb agreement
causes
show examples
.

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task response
Write one clear idea in each main part, then add a short example.
task response
Answer both parts fully: problems and solutions. Your solution part is a bit short.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a simple way, like First, Also, As a result, In conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Check word forms and small grammar mistakes because they can make your meaning less clear.
coherence and cohesion
Make each sentence connect clearly to the one before it.
task response
You answer both parts of the question.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear intro, body, and ending.
coherence and cohesion
Your main ideas are easy to follow most of the time.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Over-reliance
  • Transportation
  • Environmental degradation
  • Air pollution
  • Greenhouse gas emissions
  • Noise pollution
  • Traffic congestion
  • Urban sprawl
  • Natural resources
  • Fossil fuels
  • Sedentary lifestyle
  • Public transportation
  • Carpooling
  • Ridesharing
  • Urban planning
  • Mixed-use developments
  • Commutes
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