IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that sport competitions are a source of emotional stress for young people. Therefore, youth should be banned from participating in sport competitions. Do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
Nowadays,
sport
Check wording
sports
show examples
 activities are an integral part in the growth of young
people
Use synonyms
;
nevertheless
Linking Words
, when
sport
Correct subject-verb agreement
sports
show examples
 become competitive, it could brings stress and anxiety, and
that is
Linking Words
 the main reason why some
people
Use synonyms
 think it should not be competitive for
people
Use synonyms
 under a certain age.
Body · 1
I strongly agree with
this
Linking Words
 point of view, as
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 think that competition may bring different negative effects
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
Use synonyms
children personality
Check wording
children's personalities
show examples
.
Body · 2
One of the main reasons that I want to point out is that rivalry
do
Correct subject-verb agreement
does
show examples
 not allow
children
Use synonyms
 to enjoy the sport itself, since it may
produces
Wrong verb form
produce
show examples
 the fear of
lose
Wrong verb form
losing
show examples
 and
consequently
Linking Words
 the obsession
to the
Change preposition
with
show examples
 victory;
Body · 3
Linking Words
this
Fix capitalization
This
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 vision can lead
children
Use synonyms
 to develop wrong thoughts that may affect other personal spheres.
Body · 4
Moreover
Linking Words
, I think that banning young
people
Use synonyms
 from competitions in a certain country could improve the
overall
Linking Words
 performance of the nation in
sports
Use synonyms
:
this
Linking Words
 is the example of
Norway
Use synonyms
, where the government banned competitions for
people
Use synonyms
 aged under 11;
this
Linking Words
 case has shown that removing
this
Linking Words
 factor from these activities helped many young
people
Use synonyms
 to approach different
sports
Use synonyms
 without being afraid to make mistakes, and
as a result
Linking Words
, after a decade from
this
Linking Words
 choice,
Norway
Use synonyms
's teams improved a lot in many
sports
Use synonyms
, including football and volleyball, and
Norway
Use synonyms
 became the most dominating nation in winter
sports
Use synonyms
, reaching the highest score of medals achieved in the
last
Linking Words
 Winter Olympics Games.
Body · 5
On the opposite, some individuals argue that removing the component of competition in
sports
Use synonyms
 may
let
Verb problem
prevent
show examples
children
Use synonyms
not to have
Change preposition
from having
show examples
 fun, and they think
this
Linking Words
 should be the fundamental aspect of
sports
Use synonyms
.
Conclusion
To conclude
Linking Words
, I do not think that competition and entertainment are related, and we should follow the example of
Norway
Use synonyms
 to engage more
children
Use synonyms
to have
Change preposition
in having
show examples
 fun with
sports
Use synonyms
.

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task response
Task response: Your main view is clear, and you answer the question well. But one idea is not fully clear because you say you strongly agree, then later you say competition and fun are not related. Make your main view the same all through the essay.
task response
Task response: Your Norway example is useful and fits the topic well. Try to explain more clearly how this example proves that all young people should not join competitions.
task response
Task response: Some points are good, but they need more support. For example, you say competition can hurt children’s personality, but you should say more about how and why this happens.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Your essay has a clear start, body, and end. This helps the reader follow your writing.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Some linking is good, like 'Moreover', 'On the opposite', and 'To conclude'. But a few parts feel hard to follow because of long sentences and unclear grammar. Use shorter sentences to make your ideas easier to understand.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Each paragraph has a main idea, but some ideas are not fully developed. Add one more sentence after each main point to explain it in a simple way.
task response
You clearly give your opinion in the introduction and keep the essay on the topic.
task response
You use a real example about Norway, and this makes your essay stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a full structure with introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use basic linking words to connect ideas across the essay.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • emotional resilience
  • teamwork and leadership skills
  • self-esteem
  • perseverance
  • emotional stress
  • coping with pressure
  • physical health
  • obesity
  • support systems
  • balanced approach
  • life skills
  • academic pressures
  • adversity
What to do next:
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