Large internet companies and organizations hold the personal information of many individuals. Do you think the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

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Introduction
There has been a
long standing
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long-standing
debate about large internet companies and facilities
hold
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holding
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the individual information of
number
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a number
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of
people
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.
While
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this
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trend has both positive and negative aspects,
i
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I
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believe the
advantages
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far outweigh the disadvantages,and
this
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essay will explain why.
Body · 1
One of the most significant
major
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apply
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advantages
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of
internet
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the internet
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being hold
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holding
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personal
data
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in large companies is that governments will be able to determine the criminals.
For example
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, civil identification
have
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has
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information about
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people life
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people's lives
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.
This
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clearly demonstrates that
this
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data
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has a lot of value
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such
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, such
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as
konowing
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knowing
individuals where is he live and when did he born.
Furthermore
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,
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this
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these
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data
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statistics
held
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are held
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to asist company for promotion their employees.
This
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leads to
facilitite
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facilitating
the
metion
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mention
for the leaders, making it highly favorable development
overall
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.
Body · 2
On the other hand
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, there are a few drawbacks to
cosider
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consider
.
For instance
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, artificial intelligence it is maniputed secrets
data
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which is related to
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people life
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people's lives
show examples
, which might result in there
are
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being
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no privacy and
individuals
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individuals'
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information
exposed
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being exposed
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for
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to
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the public.
According to
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the BBC
AI
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, AI
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has a huge impact
in
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on
show examples
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people life
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people's lives
show examples
.
However
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, these issues can often be
minimized
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minimised
show examples
through modification of the
data
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system the hold
this
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data
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.
Therefore
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,
although
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the disadvantages exist, they are relatively minor compared to the benefits.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
although
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there is no privacy and the
data
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can be
showing
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shown
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by
mata
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the mata
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company, the
advantages
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such
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, such
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as helping the government to track criminals and
promotion
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promoting
statistics for
employees
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employees,
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make
this
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development more positive in the long term. I
fimly
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firmly
believe the
advantages
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outweigh the disadvantages in
this
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case.

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task response
Answer the question more directly in each body part. Show more clearly why the good points are stronger than the bad points.
task response
Use clearer main ideas. Some ideas are hard to understand, so the reader cannot fully follow your point.
task response
Add more specific and real examples. Your examples are too general and not always clear.
coherence and cohesion
Make each paragraph have one clear main point, then explain it step by step.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple linking words well, like first, also, however, and because. Some sentences now do not join smoothly.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence order and meaning. A few parts are confusing, so your logic is not always easy to follow.
task response
You clearly give your opinion in the introduction and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a basic 4-part structure: introduction, 2 body parts, and conclusion.
task response
You try to discuss both advantages and disadvantages, which fits the task.
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