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Writing Samples
Band 7

The graph below shows China's population by age group starting in 1960 and including a forecast to 2050.

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The graph below shows China's population by age group starting in 1960 and including a forecast to 2050.
This
Linking Words
 line graph shows China's population by age
group
Use synonyms
 throughout the years. It's clear from the graph that there is a sharp
decline
Use synonyms
 in one
group
Use synonyms
 but not the others.
According to
Linking Words
 what is shown, we can see that the
group
Use synonyms
 aged between 14 and 64 is in
decline
Use synonyms
 and is expected to continue declining in the future or at least for the next 24 years. Going from roughly around 40% to 17.5%.
While
Linking Words
 the other two groups, the one between 0-14 and the 65+,
doesn't
Correct subject-verb agreement
don't
show examples
 show the same
decline
Use synonyms
, more so for the
group
Use synonyms
 aged between 0 and 14,
while
Linking Words
 the elderly population started
do
Wrong verb form
to
show examples
decline
Use synonyms
 around 2020 and is expected to
decline
Use synonyms
 more in the future
To sum up
Linking Words
, we could say that the teenagers and middle-aged populations between 15-64 are sharply declining in numbers, the elderly
group
Use synonyms
 increased but is expected to
decline
Use synonyms
, and the
group
Use synonyms
 between 0-14 are expected to grow.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words group, decline with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decline" was used 6 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • population
  • age group
  • forecast
  • increase
  • rise
  • grow
  • fall
  • drop
  • decline
  • remain
  • stable
  • peak
  • reach a high point
  • the largest group
  • the smallest group
  • adult
  • children
  • older people
  • people aged 65 and over
  • people aged 15 to 64
  • people aged 0 to 14
  • over time
  • at the start
  • at the end
  • by 2050
  • from 1960 to 2050
  • is expected to
  • is projected to
  • a sharp rise
  • a steady fall
  • gradually
  • significantly
  • compared with
  • in contrast
  • while
  • overall
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