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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

33.The chart below shows the number of international applicants from four countries that a Europena university had from 2004 and 2008. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant

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The chart illustrates the number of international
application
Fix the agreement mistake
applications
show examples
 from four regions to a
Europena
Correct your spelling
European
 university from 2004 to 2008.
Overall
Linking Words
, China and America had the highest applications throughout the period.
While
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
Russia
Use synonyms
 was the lowest
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the first time. First of all, China had the highest
Check wording
number of students
show examples
students
Punctuation problem
students,
show examples
were above
Change preposition
with over
show examples
 25000,
whereas
Linking Words
,
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 US was slower with 20000. Next
year
Use synonyms
,
Chinease
Correct your spelling
Chinese
 students decreased slightly to 20000,
other
Correct word choice
and other
show examples
American
Fix the agreement mistake
Americans
show examples
 went down to 15000. By 2006, both showed the same numbers with above 15000.
Following
Correct article usage
The following
show examples
year
Use synonyms
, America had a dramatic decrease to 10000,
Linking Words
While
Fix capitalization
while
show examples
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 China remained the same. By 2008,
Us
Correct article usage
the US
show examples
 had a significant increase to under 30000
,
Punctuation problem
.
show examples
In contrast
Linking Words
,
Chinca
Correct your spelling
China
 fell slightly to 15000. In the first
year
Use synonyms
,
Russia
Use synonyms
 was nearly 0,
Linking Words
While
Fix capitalization
while
show examples
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
Japan
Use synonyms
 was higher with 5000. By 2005,
Russia
Use synonyms
 went up slightly above 0
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
also
Linking Words
,
Japan
Use synonyms
 rose slightly above 5000.
Following
Change preposition
In the following
show examples
year
Use synonyms
,
Russia
Use synonyms
 had a slight rise to under 5000,
Japanease
Correct your spelling
Japanese
 students had
minimal
Correct article usage
a minimal
show examples
 increase to under 10000. By 2007,
Japan
Use synonyms
 went up slightly to under 10000,
while
Linking Words
Russia
Use synonyms
 nearly doubled to under 10000. By 2008,
Use synonyms
russia
Fix capitalization
Russia
show examples
 had a
two time
Correct your spelling
two-time
 lower than
previous
Correct article usage
the previous
show examples
year
Use synonyms
with
Punctuation problem
, with
show examples
 above 0,
Japan
Use synonyms
 had a slight increase to 10000.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words russia, year, japan with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "went down" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 7 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • fluctuation
  • trend
  • comparison
  • applicant numbers
  • peak years
  • growth
  • decline
  • pattern
  • influence
  • factors
  • diplomatic relationships
  • economic conditions
  • demand
  • convergence
  • divergence
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