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Writing Samples
Band 7

Each year, the crime rate increases. what are the causes of crimes and what could be done to prevent this rise in criminal activity?

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Introduction
Every year, the number of criminal activities is increasingly reported in the news, as many countries face these problems. In my opinion, the majority of the cause is the failure of parents to raise their children and an unstable financial situation. To effectively address these issues, governments can offer strong support in free educational and job opportunities for disadvantaged individuals.
Body · 1
To begin
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 with, the primary factor of increasing crime scenes is the problem of individuals who are unreliable with income
due to
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 unemployment for a long period of time. To illustrate,
due to
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 poverty, people struggle enough to find any way to get away from being labelled as poor by doing illegal activities,
such
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 as theft, robbery, or even more severe, murder. Only because of their intention is to meet their basic needs.
Body · 2
Clearly, addressing to reduce the crime rate is that governments should take it seriously improved job opportunities by supporting a foundation education that should be accessible to individuals, especially low-income families.
For instance
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, providing free adequate knowledge levels,
such
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 as vocational courses that help family members to get a job in
this
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 society, where surrounded by infrastructure. If these schemes are widely applied to urban areas, they could
also
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 fix the potential of children who were born with un-ready parental.
Thus
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, acquiring standard academic levels is a strong solution to prevent any crimes that may build a personality of theft in a young kid. which are essential factors for decreasing criminal activities.
Conclusion
To conclude
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, it is undeniable that crime rates are going up dramatically;
however
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, if the government takes into account closely by providing free education,
such
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 as a VET course. Especially, families who have a child and
also
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 face financial difficulties need to address them properly from the very basics.

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task response
Answer both parts more fully. You give causes and one main fix, but you need a bit more on how parents cause crime and how this can be stopped.
task response
Make your main ideas clearer. Some sentences are hard to follow, so the reader may not fully understand your point.
task response
Use simple and clear examples. Your ideas about poverty, jobs, and free study are relevant, but they need clearer detail.
coherence and cohesion
Put one main idea in each paragraph. This will make your essay easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words like 'first', 'because', 'for example', and 'as a result'. Do not make sentences too long.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence order and grammar. Some parts break the flow, so your meaning becomes unclear.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear introduction and a clear ending.
task response
You stay on the topic and talk about causes and solutions.
task response
Your main ideas about poor money situation and education are relevant.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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