The pie charts below show the online shopping sales for retail sectors in New Zealand in 2003 and 2013. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

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The pie graphs illustrate the
percentages
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of online shopping sales in four retail sectors in New Zealand in 2003 and 2013. The sectors include
Travel
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,
Film
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/
Music
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, Books and Clothes. From the charts,
it is clear that
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Travel
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accounted for the highest
percentages
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in 2003,
while
Linking Words
Film
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/
Music
Use synonyms
became the largest sector in 2013.
In addition
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, the
percentages
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of
Film
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/
Music
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and Books increased,
while
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those of
Travel
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and Clothes decreased. In terms of
Travel
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, it constituted the highest
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percentages
Check wording
percentage
show examples
in 2003, corresponding to 36%.
However
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,
this
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figure fell to 29% in 2013. Regarding
Film
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/
Music
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, the percentage of
Film
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/
Music
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increased significantly from 21% to 33%. As regards Books, online sales made up 19% in 2003.
Then
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,
this
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figure rose slightly to 22% in 2013.
Lastly
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, Clothes accounted for 24% in 2003, but the percentage dropped considerably to 16% in 2013.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 67%.
Vocabulary: Replace the words percentages, travel, film, music with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 6 times.
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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