IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

Many companies invest their money in sport games for advertisement purposes. Some people think it's good for the sport world, while others believe that it has some disadvantages. Discuss both views and give your opinion .

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Introduction
Many companies invest in
sports
Use synonyms
 events as a form of advertising. Some argue that
this
Linking Words
 benefits the sporting world,
while
Linking Words
 others believe it brings drawbacks. In my opinion, giving a budget for advertising a
sports
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 game faces more positive outcomes for society.
Body · 1
On the one hand, maintaining a
sports
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 game with financial support may be the reason for
popularizing
Change the spelling
popularising
show examples
 a
not popular
Correct your spelling
not-popular
sport
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.
For instance
Linking Words
, Underwater hockey is really engaging for individuals who are interested in water
sports
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.
Although
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 it can be a reason to enhance heart health, which improves endurance in the body and lungs.
Body · 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
, spending money for advertasing
sport
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 can be a reason for declining the quality of some
sports
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 and perception.
For instance
Linking Words
, many
sports
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 like football or hockey can be perceived the wrong way, because they are not seen as realistic beyond athletic effort in competition. Professional
sport
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 its not about money or fantasy, it requires many years preparing, which society doesn't
provida
Correct your spelling
provide
 a real picture.
Conclusion
In conclusion, investing money for asdvertising
sport
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 can lead to a variety of advantages, but
shows
Wrong verb form
showing
show examples
 a real picture of a professional
sport
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 can not be ignored.

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task response
Answer both sides more fully. Write one clear good point and one clear bad point, then give your view in a direct way.
task response
Explain your ideas more. Some points are too short, so the reader cannot fully see why they are true.
task response
Use examples that clearly match your main point. Your example of underwater hockey is interesting, but the link to company ads is not strong.
coherence and cohesion
Make each body paragraph follow one simple plan: main idea, explanation, example.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer linking words such as On the one hand, On the other hand, For example, As a result, In conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence connection. Some sentences do not flow well, so the meaning becomes hard to follow.
task response
You answered the topic and gave your opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You used some linking words like On the one hand, On the other hand, and In conclusion.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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