IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Demand for gas and oil is increasing and so finding new resources in remote and untouched areas is a necessity. Do the advantages of this outweigh its disadvantages?

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Introduction
Nowadays
Punctuation problem
Nowadays,
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 the
gas and
Correct word order
demand for gas and oil
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oil
Use synonyms
’s demand is so high to fulfil our needs in almost any field,
such
Linking Words
 as transportation, manufacturing,
production
Correct word choice
and production
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. So, we need these
resources
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 not only for different types of vehicles, but
also
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 for the most vital
structures
Check wording
structures'
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 adequate functioning.
That is
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 why some people consider we have to discover new places, usually untouched by
the
Correct article usage
apply
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humans,
contain
Correct pronoun usage
that contain
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 vital natural
resources
Use synonyms
.
Otherwise
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, these remote areas are sacred and necessary for
its
Fix the agreement mistake
their
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 unique flora and fauna, and destroying
the
Correct article usage
apply
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nature can lead to a real disaster. In
this
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essay
Add a comma
essay,
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 the main idea is to prove that there is no need to cause harm to our planet
digging
Change preposition
by digging
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the
Change preposition
into the
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 wild areas.
Body
Many products nowadays
made
Verb problem
are made
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 of
oil
Use synonyms
;
thus
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, we need it for almost every human-made product.
This
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 leads to more and more
oil
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 usage;
therefore
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, people are destroying natural habitats to get more
oil
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.
Secondly
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,
oil
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 and gas are mostly
being
Wrong verb form
apply
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used as a fuel for automobiles, ships and planes. Obviously, we need fuel not only for transportation, but
also
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 for the big
manufactures
Replace the word
manufacturers
 that produce products in the bulky amounts. People’s greed usually does not allow
to
Correct pronoun usage
them to
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 see the other options that do not destroy untouched territories. The alternative
of
Change preposition
to
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 using
nature
Replace the word
natural
resources
Use synonyms
 is to pay more attention
on
Change preposition
to
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 renewable and eco-friendly ways of getting energy.
For instance
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, some modern countries have been using solar panels
,
Correct word choice
and
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 wind mills as the energy producers.
Therefore
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, my strong belief is
the
Correct word choice
that the
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 disadvantages are much bigger than the advantages of finding new areas, especially because there is no necessity for
this
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.
Conclusion
In
the
Correct article usage
apply
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conclusion, these
resources
Use synonyms
 are replicable, and people do not have to cause damage to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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nature. The plethora of realistic options
how to obtain
Change preposition
for obtaining
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 and
store
Wrong verb form
storing
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 energy sources anything but gas and
oil
Use synonyms
, based on some modern
counties
Check wording
countries'
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 experience, shows that there is no need to look for more territories to destroy.

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task response
Answer the question more directly in each part. Say clearly why the bad points are stronger than the good points.
task response
Add one short paragraph about the good side of finding new oil and gas, then explain why it is still not the best choice.
task response
Use clearer examples. For example, name one place or one real energy source and explain it in a simple way.
coherence and cohesion
Make topic sentences clearer. Start each body paragraph with one main idea.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words like first, also, however, and as a result.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are too long or not easy to follow. Split them into shorter sentences.
task response
You gave a clear opinion that the bad points are stronger than the good points.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has an introduction, body, and conclusion.
task response
You stayed on the topic and wrote about oil, gas, nature, and other energy choices.
Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

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