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Writing Samples
Band 5

Today, the high of popular consumer goods reflect the power of advertising and not the real needs of the society in which they are sold. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
Today, the
high
Check wording
hype
show examples
 of popular consumer
goods
Use synonyms
reflect
Correct subject-verb agreement
reflects
show examples
 the power of advertising and not the real needs of the society in which they are sold. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Body · 1
In
this
Linking Words
 day and age, the rapid spread of consumerism
in
Change preposition
among
show examples
 the public has been heavily
due to
Linking Words
 an effect in which
people
Use synonyms
 enjoy the feeling of purchasing
goods
Use synonyms
 or simply keeping up with the top
trendings
Replace the word
trends
, driven by the fear of missing out,
instead
Linking Words
 of its actual usage and utility.
Hence
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, many have raised their concern whether advertisements on broad
media
Use synonyms
 have achieved the position that can alter
people
Use synonyms
’s motivation, apart from actual utilisation.
This
Linking Words
 essay strongly agrees that the popular consumer
goods
Use synonyms
 really reflect the efficiency in advertising.
Body · 2
To begin
Linking Words
 with,
people
Use synonyms
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
modern society, who easily get access to multiple means of social
media
Use synonyms
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as via their phones,
desktop
Check wording
desktops,
show examples
 or even
newspaper
Check wording
newspapers
show examples
, hold many opportunities for advertisers to spread
out
Rephrase
apply
show examples
their
products
Use synonyms
. As
many
Correct determiner usage
more
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 get access to the
media
Use synonyms
, online sponsorships may potentially appear on their screens through broadcast platforms and social
media
Use synonyms
. Proportionally to their screentime,
popularized
Change the spelling
popularised
show examples
 campaigns can be shown to a person multiple times a day. To illustrate, many eye-catching short videos
had
Wrong verb form
have
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 successfully placed many print-on-demand pillows on
Tiktok’s
Fix capitalization
TikTok’s
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 top trending
products
Use synonyms
 for months, even though the quality or comfortness remain arguably incompetent to others.
Body · 3
Furthermore
Linking Words
, many social
media
Use synonyms
 advertising campaigns prioritise storytelling with shocking
languages
Check wording
language
show examples
 and paying some celebrities to use the product,
therefore
Linking Words
 creating the well-known “fomo” effect, which stands for fear of missing out. Especially among young
people
Use synonyms
, who often keep up with the trend,
this
Linking Words
 strategy is one of the most effective in order to gain massive attention, leading to many purchases driven by fear, not by any rational decision.
For instance
Linking Words
, many fashion enterprises exploit
this
Linking Words
 effect to gain more profit, and in order to achieve it, they constantly release new fashionable collections throughout the year, from summer
collection
Check wording
collections
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, to
collaboration
Check wording
collaborations
show examples
 with films and other blockbuster
products
Use synonyms
, forcing individuals into buying new
products
Use synonyms
 whenever
new
Correct article usage
a new
show examples
 one gets released.
Conclusion
To sum up
Linking Words
, the influence of the
media
Use synonyms
 on
people
Use synonyms
’s buying decisions
heavily
Verb problem
is heavy
show examples
, and many popular
products
Use synonyms
 to be sold are among
one of
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
the most sponsored.Today, the
high
Check wording
hype
show examples
 of popular consumer
goods
Use synonyms
reflect
Correct subject-verb agreement
reflects
show examples
 the power of advertising and not the real needs of the society in which they are sold. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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task response
Make your main view more direct in the first paragraph. Say clearly that you agree, and keep this same view all through the essay.
task response
Answer all parts of the question in a fuller way. Explain not only why ads shape demand, but also why real needs may still matter in some cases.
task response
Use clearer examples. Your examples are relevant, but some are too general and need more detail to feel strong and real.
coherence and cohesion
Keep each paragraph focused on one main idea. This will make your argument easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas more smoothly. Some sentences are long and hard to follow, so use short clear links like 'first', 'also', 'for example', and 'as a result'.
coherence and cohesion
Write a cleaner conclusion. Your ending is too short and has grammar problems, so restate your main view in a simple clear way.
task response
You give a clear opinion and mostly keep it through the essay.
task response
You include examples about social media, fashion, and young buyers, which fit the topic well.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear basic shape: introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use linking words like 'to begin with', 'furthermore', and 'to sum up', which helps the flow.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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