IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

The plans below show an Australian market garden in 1950 and now.

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Start now →
Introduction
The two maps illustrate the changes that have taken place in an Australian market garden from 1950 to the present day.
Body · 1
Overall
Linking Words
, the garden has undergone significant structural changes, with several crop
Use synonyms
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
 being replaced, new greenhouses and machinery introduced, and storage facilities expanded,
while
Linking Words
 a few crops
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as lettuce and
potatoes
Punctuation problem
potatoes,
show examples
 have remained unchanged.
Body · 2
In 1950, the northern section of the garden was divided into three plots
, on
Punctuation problem
. On
show examples
 the western side, onions were grown,
while
Linking Words
 potatoes occupied
central
Correct article usage
the central
show examples
area
Use synonyms
, and tomatoes and herbs were cultivated in the east. In the southern part, strawberries were
planed
Wrong verb form
planted
show examples
 in the
south-west
Correct your spelling
southwest
, apple trees were located in the centre, and a residential building
Linking Words
together
Punctuation problem
, together
show examples
 with a small storage
facility
Punctuation problem
facility,
show examples
 stood in the southeast. At that time, all farming activities were carried out manually, with no machinery present.
Conclusion
By contrast
Linking Words
, the present-day map shows several notable changes. In the southeast, the original residential building and storage facility
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 been expanded, and a car has been added. The central south
area
Use synonyms
, which previously contained apple trees, has now been converted into bean cultivation, and tractors are used in nearby fields for farm work. In the northeast, the former tomato and herbs plots have been replaced by large greenhouses, where lettuce cultivation has remained unchanged in the same
area
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Add one more key change in the overview, like the loss of the home area and the use of machines now.
task response
Check map details very carefully. One part says lettuce stayed in the same area, but this may not be exact from the plan.
task response
Use clearer comparisons between 1950 and now in each body part.
coherence and cohesion
Group changes by area in a more even way, for example north first and south after that.
coherence and cohesion
Use commas and small linking words more carefully, because some long lines are hard to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Check subject and verb forms, because small grammar errors make the meaning less smooth.
task response
The essay has a clear start and a clear overview.
task response
You mention many important changes, such as new glass houses, more storage, and machines.
coherence and cohesion
The order is mostly easy to follow, with 1950 first and now after that.
coherence and cohesion
You use compare words like while, by contrast, and overall.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: