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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some parents give their children everything that their children ask foror allow them to do whatever they want to do. is this good for children? Nhat could be consequences for these children when they grow up?

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Introduction
The common practice of parents indulging their
children
Use synonyms
, meeting all their demands and granting them unlimited freedom, has raised widespread concerns. In my opinion,
this
Linking Words
 permissive parenting style is not conducive to
children
Use synonyms
's growth. It not only leads to immediate psychological problems but
also
Linking Words
 causes
children
Use synonyms
 to have difficulty adapting to society in the long term.
Body · 1
Excessive parental indulgence harms
children
Use synonyms
’s psychological growth greatly.
Children
Use synonyms
 who get everything instantly tend to think their needs must be satisfied at once, so they cannot accept rejection or learn delayed gratification. Relevant research indicates that
such
Linking Words
 kids are more selfish and stubborn. They may throw tantrums when their requests are denied, and parents often give in.
This
Linking Words
 raises self-centred personalities, making them unable to understand others and handle setbacks well.
Body · 2
When these
children
Use synonyms
 grow up, the negative impacts of loose parenting become more obvious.
Firstly
Linking Words
, their long-formed self-centred mindset turns into
selfish
Correct article usage
a selfish
show examples
 character. They barely care about others and only pursue personal benefits, which badly affects their social communication. These people find it hard to perform well in teamwork-based jobs, so they often change jobs and may even lose their careers.
Secondly
Linking Words
, the pursuit of instant satisfaction results in impulsive daily behaviour. They spend money without careful consideration and fail to manage
personal
Correct determiner usage
their personal
show examples
 finances properly. In the long run, they may be trapped in heavy debt, suffer great economic stress or rely heavily on financial help from their parents.
Conclusion
In conclusion, indulgent parenting not only causes immediate psychological problems in
children
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,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 but
also
Linking Words
 sows the seeds of long-term personality flaws and social adaptation difficulties.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 approach is far more harmful than beneficial to
children
Use synonyms
’s
overall
Linking Words
 growth and future success.

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task response
Add one more clear example to show what may happen in real life when these children grow up.
task response
Explain a little more how unlimited freedom can hurt a child, not only getting everything they ask for.
task response
Some ideas are strong, but a few claims are too general. Give short, real, clear support.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas more smoothly in one place: the jump from childhood to jobs is a bit fast.
coherence and cohesion
Check small spacing and form errors, for example after a full stop, because they can disturb flow.
coherence and cohesion
Use a few simpler linking words with care so each step feels natural and easy to follow.
task response
You answer both parts of the question clearly and keep the same view all through the essay.
task response
Your main ideas are easy to understand and mostly well explained.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear start, body, and end.
coherence and cohesion
Each body part has one main focus, so the reader can follow your plan well.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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