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Writing Samples
Band 6

In the modern world, it is possible to shop, work and communicate with people via the internet and live without any face-to-face contact with others. Is it a positive or negative development?

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Introduction
In the contemporary world, the transition towards digital
lifestyles
Use synonyms
 has become increasingly prevalent.
While
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this
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 trend offers certain undeniable benefits regarding personal convenience, I contend that its long-term application presents profound risks to genuine human connections.
Body · 1
On the one hand, the adoption of digital
lifestyles
Use synonyms
 plays a decisive role in enhancing modern citizens' living standards.
This
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 stems from the fact that giving individuals access to advanced internet services acts as a bridge to empower them to maintain a healthy work-life balance and overcome geographical barriers, profoundly fostering their
overall
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 quality of life.
For instance
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, a freelancer can easily meet clients through Zoom and buy groceries on e-commerce apps without setting foot outside their house.
Therefore
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, embracing these virtual working and shopping models is a far more feasible alternative to rigid traditional
lifestyles
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.
Body · 2
That said, the overuse of screen-based
lifestyles
Use synonyms
 threatens to devalue genuine social connections.
In other words
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, an over-reliance on isolated virtual environments frequently deprives people of face-to-face interactions, which gradually erodes their emotional well-being and essential social skills. To illustrate, many people in modern cities constantly scroll through their phones for hours in bed rather than conversing directly with family members.
Consequently
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,
this
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 trend of physical detachment acts as a barrier, rendering the younger generation unable to achieve true happiness.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
while
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 the shift into internet-based routines undeniably promotes greater flexibility and convenience in daily life, it should not come at the expense of face-to-face social cohesion.

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task response
Make your main answer more direct in the first part. Say clearly that this is mainly a negative development.
task response
Add one more clear reason on why this is negative, so your position feels stronger.
task response
Your examples are good, but they can be more specific and real.
coherence and cohesion
Some ideas use very abstract words. Use simpler and clearer words to make your meaning easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Link the last sentence of each body paragraph more clearly to the topic question.
coherence and cohesion
The second body paragraph is strong, but the final idea about young people and true happiness is a bit too broad. Explain it more carefully.
task response
You answer both sides and give a clear opinion.
task response
Your essay stays on the topic from start to end.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Your ideas move in a logical order.
coherence and cohesion
You use clear linking words like On the one hand, That said, Therefore, and Consequently.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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