IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Art classes, like painting and drawing are as important as other subjects, so they should be compulsory subject in high school. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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It is often argued that
art
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 classes should be made
compulsory
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a compulsory
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subject
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 in
the
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apply
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high
school
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.
Linking Words
this
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This
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 essay will elucidate my views about
this
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 topic.
To begin
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 with, critics argue that
extra curricular
Correct your spelling
extracurricular
 activities should be implemented as
a
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apply
show examples
an elective
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subjects
Fix the agreement mistake
subject
show examples
 rather than
mandatory
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a mandatory
show examples
subject
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 in high
school
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. to expound, every individual
student
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have
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has
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 their own desire to learn
a
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an
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 activity they like
and
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, and
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art
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 should be one among them.
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for
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For
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 example,
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student
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students
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 can opt for
swiming
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swimming
 classes
,
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apply
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if they do not intrest in drawing and
painiting
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painting
.
In addition
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 to
this
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, forcing all the
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student
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students
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 to learn
art
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 not only
aggainst
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against
 the
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student
Fix the agreement mistake
students'
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 desire but
also
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affect
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affects
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 them mentally because there
is
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are
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 already a lot of mandatory
subjects
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 to learn in high
school
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.
on
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On
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 the
controdiction
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contrary
, supporters claim that
art
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help
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helps
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 the
students
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 to relax and bring out their
emotion
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emotions
show examples
. They
beleive
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believe
students
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 are more likely to pour their
emotion
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emotions
show examples
while
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 they are doing something artisitic which can
significant
Replace the word
significantly
 help
other
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others
 to understand their emotions.
to
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To
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 exemplify, we have
evidences
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evidence
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 from history were lot of
artisitics
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artists
 express their
emotion
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emotions
show examples
 through
the
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their
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 paintings.
Linking Words
moreover
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Moreover
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,
by
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apply
show examples
making
art
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 a permanent
subject
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 in
school
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 can improve
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students
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students'
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 focus and creativity and
also
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 significantly improve their performance in other
subjects
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. In conclusion,
i
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I
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 partially disagree with the
arguement
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argument
.
Eventhough
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Even though
,
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apply
show examples
 both sides have some merits, it is not an obligation for
students
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 to learn
art
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 as a mandatory
subject
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 as they
plenty
Verb problem
have plenty
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 of important
subjects
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 to focus
in
Change preposition
on in
show examples
 high
school
Use synonyms
.

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task response
Give a more clear answer all through the essay. You say you partially disagree only at the end, so your main view should be clear from the start.
task response
Add more full support for each main point. Some ideas are good, but they need more detail about why they matter.
task response
Use examples that are more direct and more clear. The history example is too general.
coherence and cohesion
Make topic sentences more clear at the start of each body part so the reader can follow your plan more easily.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas in a smoother way. Some sentences jump fast from one point to the next.
coherence and cohesion
Check paragraph flow. A few lines are hard to follow because of grammar and word form errors.
task response
You answer both sides of the question and give your own view in the end.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use some linking words like 'To begin with', 'In addition to this', and 'In conclusion'.
Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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