IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe that the radio is more enjoyable and practical than TV. do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
It is said that individuals enjoy listening to the
radio
Use synonyms
 more than watching television.
Although
Linking Words
 television offers various educational visuals, I believe that the primary source of entertainment would be the
radio
Use synonyms
 because of its numerous benefits.
Body · 1
One key reason why the
radio
Use synonyms
 provides more enjoyment is its convenience. Television engages people in a great way in terms of watching movies and series , but it limits them from exploring other activities at the same time.
Radios
Use synonyms
;
Punctuation problem
,
show examples
however
Linking Words
, provide
information
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 which can only be listened to, which enables individuals to take an interest in other tasks
while
Linking Words
 listening,
such
Linking Words
 as driving, cooking, reading and writing.
This
Linking Words
 advantage of the
radio
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 not only enhances entertainment but
also
Linking Words
 allows people to multitask efficiently.
Body · 2
Accessibility of the
radio
Use synonyms
 is another factor of being practical . The size of the
radio
Use synonyms
 is usually very small , and it can even be used in remote
areas
Use synonyms
 where there is no
internet
Use synonyms
 access. Those communities that are deprived of the
internet
Use synonyms
,
radios
Use synonyms
 still remain an accessible and reliable source of
information
Use synonyms
there
Rephrase
apply
show examples
. Most importantly, during natural disasters,
radios
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 play an important role in delivering emergency alerts and helpful
information
Use synonyms
 to the public.
In contrast
Linking Words
, advanced technology has been creating smart televisions which can only be used with
Use synonyms
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
 or wi-fi, limiting their availability in remote
areas
Use synonyms
.
Body · 3
I agree that the
radios
Use synonyms
 offer great flexibility for individuals in order to perform different tasks
while
Linking Words
 listening to songs, news and other
information
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.
While
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also
Linking Words
 providing a great way of communication in mountain
areas
Use synonyms
, forestes and oceans, leading to the conclusion that
radios
Use synonyms
 are more approachable and provide various benefits to the public.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 televisions deliver
information
Use synonyms
 by using videos, the association of the
internet
Use synonyms
 and wi-fi makes it less reliable for
areas
Use synonyms
 where there is less or no
internet
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I highly believe that the benefits of
radios
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 enable people to enjoy
this
Linking Words
 important device in various ways without needing visual
information
Use synonyms
.

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task response
Make your main answer more direct in the first paragraph. Say clearly that you agree, and keep this same idea all through the essay.
task response
Add one or two more clear examples to support your ideas, like a real case of people using radio while driving or in a storm.
task response
Explain 'more enjoyable' more fully. You write more about being practical than about enjoyment.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a smoother way. Some parts feel a bit hard or forced.
coherence and cohesion
Keep your sentences connected to one main point in each body paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Check punctuation and spacing, because some commas and spaces make the flow less smooth.
task response
You answer the question and give a clear opinion.
task response
Your ideas are mostly relevant and easy to understand.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Each body paragraph has one main idea, which helps the reader follow your writing.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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