IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people say that there is too much harmful content on the internet. They say the only way to make the internet safe is for the government to censor the content of websites. To what extent do you think the government should control what information is available on the internet? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Introduction
Regarding
to
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apply
show examples
technological development,
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internet
Correct article usage
the internet
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 has
became
Wrong verb form
become
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 more popular to research some
content
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. It is argued by some people that the
internet
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containes
Correct your spelling
contains
 unsafe
content
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, so
that
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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government
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 should take
an
Correct article usage
apply
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action
Linking Words
such as
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apply
show examples
to
cencor
Correct your spelling
censor
 the
content
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for
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to
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 make
its
Correct pronoun usage
it
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 safe. I firmly believe that
, the
Correct determiner usage
apply
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 websites should be controlled by
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government
Correct article usage
the government
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but
Punctuation problem
, but
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 it depends on
content
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 categories
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as social media and online newspapers
should
Correct pronoun usage
, which should
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 be controlled by
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government
Correct article usage
the government
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.
Body · 1
First of all, it is true that
Use synonyms
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
 is the most common technological tool nowadays. Just because it provides all
information
Correct article usage
the information
show examples
 that
whenever
Verb problem
is needed whenever
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 it
needed
Verb problem
is needed
show examples
.
Although
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 the online sources are better considering
factor
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factors
show examples
 like accessibility, it
also
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 has various
type
Fix the agreement mistake
types
show examples
 of harmful
content
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. One of the major
website
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websites
show examples
 is instagram
that is
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also
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 known for social media. It allows to share any information without any law.
For example
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,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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people
,
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apply
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who are influenced by using weapons
,
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apply
show examples
 can learn to using gun in the instagram. Even though they can try to kill someone else.
As a result
Linking Words
,
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government
Correct article usage
the government
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 should develop some solutions to creating safe environment
in
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on
show examples
 the
internet
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.
Body · 2
On the other hand
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, online news
play
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plays
show examples
 a
pivot
Replace the word
pivotal
 role
for
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in
show examples
 communication between
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government
Correct article usage
the government
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 and citizens. If
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government
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
government
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 act now, it will be hack from thief, because the news
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 known for reliable source. To give an example, the
government
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 can apply some regulations on the online news
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 it should be controlled regularly to keep it safe
Body · 3
From my perspective, there is only
way
Correct determiner usage
one way
show examples
 to
having
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 a safe
internet
Use synonyms
,
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government
Correct article usage
the government
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 should take
a responsible
Replace the word
responsibility
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 they are responsible for social security.
Body · 4
In conclusion,
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internet's sources are getting increase
Correct word order
internet sources are increasing
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, but there are no rules for restriction.
This
Linking Words
 situation can be more safely
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 if
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government
Correct article usage
the government
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 keeps
away to
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apply
show examples
people
from
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away from
show examples
 harmful
content
Use synonyms
.
Conclusion
Vocabulary:

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task response
Answer the main question more clearly. Say how much control the government should have, not only that it should act.
task response
Add one clear main idea in each body part, then explain it more.
task response
Use examples that are easy to understand and more real.
coherence and cohesion
Make your ideas connect in a smoother way. Some parts jump too fast.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear topic sentences at the start of each paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Check linking words. Some are used in the wrong place.
task response
You answer the topic and give your opinion.
coherence and cohesion
You include an introduction and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a basic paragraph structure.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Censorship
  • Freedom of expression
  • Hate speech
  • Misinformation
  • Extremism
  • Regulations
  • Cyberbullying
  • Self-regulation
  • Transparency
  • Vulnerable groups
  • Algorithms
  • Digital culture
  • Personal freedoms
  • Illegal content
  • Internet safety
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