IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

In some countries more and more people are opting to use renewable energy sources in their homes. What are the reasons for this? How can people implement this in their residences?may I write it on this topic

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Start now →
Introduction
In today’s
fast paced
Correct your spelling
fast-paced
 world, it is argued that the
quantity
Check wording
number
show examples
 of countries are utilizing reusable
electricity
Use synonyms
sources
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their
houses
Check wording
homes
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
, the vast majority of folks prefer to
use
Use synonyms
up
Rephrase
apply
show examples
other
energy
Use synonyms
sources
Use synonyms
 from
energy
Use synonyms
sources
Use synonyms
.
Body · 1
I will explain why some individuals break using renewable
energy
Use synonyms
 resources.
Body · 2
To begin
Linking Words
 with, one of the obvious
reason of
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
 why some people
use
Use synonyms
 up renewable
energy
Use synonyms
sources
Use synonyms
 is the high cost of
electricity
Use synonyms
bills
Use synonyms
. Most of them can not afford to buy it from
power
Correct article usage
the power
show examples
 station. As an example of
this
Linking Words
, in Germany, many households
utilize
Change the spelling
utilise
show examples
 solar
energy
Use synonyms
 source
electricity
Use synonyms
 prices are huge.
This
Linking Words
 is because
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 they would rather
use
Use synonyms
alternative
Correct article usage
an alternative
show examples
 way.
Body · 3
On the other hand
Linking Words
, another factor is
the
Correct word choice
that the
show examples
 authorities recommend individuals to harness
energy
Use synonyms
sources
Use synonyms
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
generated by turbines.
For instance
Linking Words
,
according to
Linking Words
 the data, in
China
Add a comma
China,
show examples
 the government supports solar panel installation in residential areas.
Consequently
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 action can avert the situation that government can not provide all
citizen’s
Check wording
citizens’
show examples
 demand for
energy
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, another point worth considering is that the authorities can solve economic problems that easily rely on
huge
Correct article usage
the huge
show examples
 cost of
electricity
Use synonyms
bills
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, many homeowners in Australia have installed solar
panel
Check wording
panels
show examples
 because the country
reduces
Verb problem
receives
show examples
 strong sunlight throughout the year
helping
Punctuation problem
, helping
show examples
 families save money
for an
Change preposition
on
show examples
electricity
Use synonyms
bills
Use synonyms
.
Conclusion
To conclude
Linking Words
, it can be seen that a great number of people choose to
use
Use synonyms
 sustainable
energy
Use synonyms
sources
Use synonyms
. The reason why high cost of
electricity
Use synonyms
bills
Use synonyms
caused
Verb problem
is caused
show examples
with
Change preposition
by
show examples
 the
utilizing
Replace the word
utilisation of
 reusable
energy
Use synonyms
sources
Use synonyms
 can greatly improve
economy
Correct article usage
the economy
show examples
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Answer both parts more clearly. Say why people choose this energy, and also say how they can use it at home.
task response
Your main idea is there, but some parts are not clear. Use simple and direct sentences.
task response
Give one or two clear ways people can do this in their homes, like solar panels or water heaters.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, body, and end, which is good.
coherence and cohesion
Some ideas do not link well. Use easy linking words like first, also, for example, and in conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each paragraph and explain it fully before you move on.
coherence and cohesion
You wrote an introduction and a conclusion.
task response
You tried to use examples from different countries.
task response
Your essay stays on the topic most of the time.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: