Many people around the world use social media everyday to keep in touch with other people and get news event.Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

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Introduction
It
iis
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is
often argued about the
realiability
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reliability
of virtual
platforms
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form
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for
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connections and
for
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apply
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following
news
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contents
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content
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, yet
mass
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the mass
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population are using
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this
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these
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online
platforms
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like
instagram , whatsapp
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Instagram, WhatsApp,
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and
facebook
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Facebook
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on
daily
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a daily
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basis to
share
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their life
events
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and read about global
events
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. I
beleive
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believe
it is a
postive
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positive
development
and
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, and
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this
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essay will elucidate the notable reasons
about
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for
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my views.
Body · 1
In
this
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contemporary epoch, almost
two-third
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two-thirds
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of the world population are using social media to stay connected with their friends and family
in
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apply
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abroad.
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for
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For
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example, social media is used by parents to contact their children who are studying in
different
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a different
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state or
a
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apply
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nation.
In addition
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to
this
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, online
platform
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platforms
show examples
are not only utilised for connecting with
people
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but
also
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to
share
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global
events
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.
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people
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People
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are using these
platform
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platforms
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to voice out their opinions on various
events
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and started to
share
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videos and
picture
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pictures
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of things that happened in their
socity
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society
.
Hence
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, social media plays a vital role in
inter
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apply
show examples
connecting
people
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and to express peoples opinions on world affairs.
Body · 2
On the flip side, these virtual
medias
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media
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are
also
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used for comminting cyber bullying and to spread misleading
news
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. Especially, students are using these
platforms
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for hate texting their fellow classmates or to
share
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inappropriate memes to bully other
student
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students
show examples
.
In addition
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to
this
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,
people
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are sharing fake
news
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and misleading information for the sake of increasing their views and followers count.
For example
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, sharing misleading information about popular figures can draw
lot
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a lot
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of views and
follows
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followers
.
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Therefore
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Therefore,
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social
medias
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media
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should be used mindfully to avoid these drawbacks.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
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Although
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although
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virtual
platforms
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have
few
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a few
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drawbacks like cyberbullying and
circulation
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the circulation
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unreliable
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of unreliable
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news
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contents these issues can be avoided if we use these
platforms
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mindfully
and
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, and
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the advantages like
long distance
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long-distance
connectivity and instant sharing of global matters clearly
outweighs
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outweigh
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these disadvantages.

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task response
Answer the question more directly in each body part. Say more clearly why the good points are stronger than the bad points.
task response
Use simpler and more exact examples. One clear example is better than many general ideas.
task response
Develop each main idea a bit more. Add one more line to explain how social media helps or harms people.
coherence and cohesion
Make topic sentences clearer. Start each body part with one clear main idea.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words like also, however, because, and so. Do not use too many long phrases.
coherence and cohesion
Check paragraph flow. Some sentences have grammar and word form problems, and this makes the meaning less clear.
task response
You answered both sides and gave a clear opinion that the good points are stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Most ideas stay on the topic of social media, news, and keeping in touch.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • widespread use
  • revolutionized communication
  • geographical barriers
  • primary source
  • instant access
  • misinformation
  • news bias
  • mental health
  • increased feelings
  • more 'connected'
  • mobilizing public opinion
  • social movements
  • societal issues
  • collective action
  • evolution of social media
  • sophisticated ecosystems
  • e-commerce
  • entertainment
  • educational content
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