IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages?

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Introduction
It is argued by some people that taking risks
into
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in
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 decisions has not only
benefit
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benefits
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 but
also
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it
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apply
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brings negative outcomes as well.
Body · 1
One of the main beneficial
impact
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impacts
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 is that the people who are not afraid of risks are more
open minded
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open-minded
 than others.
Although
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 risks bring
with
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apply
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some challenges, it prepares
to
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apply
show examples
them to faced with all situations before it comes timeless.So they
always
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should always
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 be aware of any information that helps. To give an example for
this
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, one of my
friend
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friends
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 is really clever
but
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, but
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 she
never
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has never
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 even
try
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tried
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 any lecture yet.
However
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, she always gets the highest score; I asked her how it is possible, she said “I’m taking a risk with
trust
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trusting
 my brain, but
also
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 listened to all persons trick in the class. It
increase
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increases
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 both
of
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apply
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my
trusting
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trust
 and
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also
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apply
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my score directly.”
Body · 2
On the other hand
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, the major drawback is failing all the
thins
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things
 that you want to achieve
it
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apply
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.
Instead
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 of planning
to
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a
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 road map, they are just diving
the
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into the
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 water
even
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, even
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do
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though they do
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 not know how deep it is. A successful
preparing
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preparation
 with
right
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the right
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 program are great deal with exams.
Although
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 a
few
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certain
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 number of people
is
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are
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 intelligent, the
certain
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apply
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rule is
obey
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to obey
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 the
preparing
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preparation
 rules.
For example
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, after
talked
Wrong verb form
talking
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 with my friend, I tried to
her
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use her
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 strategy
,
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;
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nonetheless
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, I
am
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apply
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not only
failing in my test but
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failed in my test but also
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also
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 I could not remember what I
hear
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heard
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.
As a result
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,
this
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 skill is not
suit
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suitable
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 for everybody, it depends on self-confidence.
Conclusion
In conclusion, taking
risk
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risks
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comes with different
aspects kind
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kinds
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 of
benefit
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benefits
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 and
drawback
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drawbacks
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. It can be useful if you
ready
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are ready
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to
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for
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 adverse situations.

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task response
Answer the main question more clearly. Say early if you think the good points are more than the bad points.
coherence and cohesion
Make your main ideas easier to follow. Use one clear idea for each body paragraph.
task response
Explain your examples more. Show how each example supports your main point.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer linking words like first, however, for example, and as a result.
task response
At the end, give a strong final answer, not only a general summary.
task response
You gave both sides of the topic, which shows you understood the question.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion.
task response
You used a personal example, and this helps make your ideas more real.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Opportunities
  • Growth
  • Innovation
  • Challenges
  • Self-discovery
  • Resilience
  • Uncertainty
  • Consequences
  • Calculated risks
  • Stagnation
  • Regret
  • Comfort zone
  • Entrepreneurship
  • Adventurous spirit
  • Thriving
  • Failure
  • Mitigate
  • Reap the rewards
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