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Writing Samples
Band 3.5

The table and pie chart show the number of research students in Australian universities in 2001 and 2010.

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The table and pie chart
illustrates
Correct subject-verb agreement
illustrate
show examples
 the number of
research
Use synonyms
students
Use synonyms
 in Australia. The table presents the total numbers of local and international
students
Use synonyms
researches
Replace the word
researching
.The pie chart shows the percentage of male and female
students
Use synonyms
 in detail.
Linking Words
Overall
Punctuation problem
Overall,
show examples
 it can be seen
,
Correct word choice
that
show examples
the highest
Use synonyms
research
Check wording
number
show examples
 of local
students
Use synonyms
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 in
2010
Punctuation problem
2010,
show examples
 with 39,488
Linking Words
while
Punctuation problem
, while
show examples
 the lowest
international
Check wording
number of international
show examples
research
Use synonyms
students
Use synonyms
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 5,192 in 2001.Looking more closely,
2001
Correct article usage
the 2001
show examples
 local
research
Use synonyms
students
Use synonyms
 ratio
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 lowest with 33,657 in comparison to 2010.As we can see, the smallest number of international
research
Use synonyms
students
Use synonyms
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 5,192 in 2001
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 it rapidly
growth
Wrong verb form
grew
show examples
 in 2010 with 14,593. Based on the information total
research
Use synonyms
 numbers of both were recorded with 38,849 in 2001
that
Correct pronoun usage
, which
show examples
 increased to 54,081 in 2010.AS we can see,
internatinal
Correct your spelling
international
Use synonyms
students
Check wording
students'
show examples
research
Use synonyms
 percentage is lowest in 2001_2010 with 40percent and local
research
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
students
Check wording
students'
show examples
 percentage recorded
highest
Correct article usage
the highest
show examples
 with 160
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
.

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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words research, students with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • the number of
  • the total number of
  • research students
  • local students
  • international students
  • male students
  • female students
  • went up
  • rose
  • grew
  • increased to
  • fell to
  • made up
  • accounted for
  • the largest group
  • a smaller group
  • the gap between
  • compared with
  • in 2001
  • in 2010
  • over the period
  • from 2001 to 2010
  • there was a rise in
  • there was a fall in
  • remained the same
  • slightly
  • sharply
  • by contrast
  • while
  • overall
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