IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people say that giving a smaller amount of money weekly to children will help them become more capable as they grow older. Do you agree or disagree?

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In some communities, parents think that handling their children
a
Change preposition
at a
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low-cost of
money
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 per
week
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 will help them became much capable when they grow up. I agree at
this
Linking Words
 point because it’s an effective
way
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 to teach
the
Correct article usage
apply
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teenagers how to spend
money
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 in the correct
way
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 and save a budget for investment. Using that method is an excellent
way
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 to make them understand the
value
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 of the
money
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, and because of it they will learn how to spend it carefully,
consequently
Linking Words
 when they take it weekly they will understand that
money
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 is their budget for the main
week
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 they get to spend
however
Linking Words
 they want to, but they don’t get to ask for any other
money
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.
as a result
Linking Words
 of that method it will extent quite a lot of their consumption.
This
Linking Words
 will improve their savings in the future and will have a positive return.
Firstly
Linking Words
, teenagers usually don’t understand the
value
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 of
the
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apply
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money
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, so giving them a tiny amount per
week
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 will surely reduce their spending.
Secondly
Linking Words
, it will promote spending on helpful purchases.
For example
Linking Words
, if you keep giving your children
money
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 when they ask for
it
Punctuation problem
it,
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 they will not understand the
value
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 of it when they grow
up,
Correct word order
up. Finally,
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finally
Linking Words
 the parents should make it clear that
this
Linking Words
 small amount is their children's
money
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 for the whole
week
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, and they don’t get to ask for more. In
the
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apply
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conclusion, it’s a great
way
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 to teach them the
value
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 of
money
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 and how to spend it the right
way
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, and because of
it
Punctuation problem
it,
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 they will think before buying anything.

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coherence cohesion
Make your main idea more clear in each body part. One paragraph should have one main point.
coherence cohesion
Use clear linking words like First, Also, For example, and In conclusion.
task achievement
Explain your example more. Show how weekly money helps a child learn to plan and save.
task achievement
Avoid repeating the same idea about money value many times. Add one more different idea.
coherence cohesion
Check sentence form and word choice because some lines are hard to follow.
task achievement
You gave a clear opinion from the start: you agree.
coherence cohesion
There is both an introduction and a conclusion.
task achievement
You used an example about parents giving more money when children ask.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial responsibility
  • independence
  • financial literacy
  • work ethic
  • effort and reward
  • impulsive purchases
  • budgeting skills
  • critical thinking
  • sense of entitlement
  • modest amounts
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