IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people say that giving a smaller amount of money weekly to children will help them become more capable as they grow older. Do you agree or disagree?

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In some communities, parents believe that handling their children
a
Change preposition
at a
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low cost of
money
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 per
week
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 will help them become more capable when they grow up. I agree at
this
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 point because it’s an effective
way
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 to teach
the
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apply
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teenagers how to spend
money
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 in the correct
way
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 and save a budget for investment. Using that method is an excellent
way
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 to make them understand the
value
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 of the
money
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, and because of it they will learn how to spend it carefully,
consequently
Linking Words
 when they take it weekly they will understand that
money
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 is their budget for the main
week
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 they get to spend
however
Linking Words
 they want to, but they don’t get to ask for any other
money
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.
as a result
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 of that method it will extent quite a lot of their consumption
this
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 will improve their savings in the future and will have a positive return.
Firstly
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, teenagers usually don’t understand the
value
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 of
the
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money
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, so giving them a tiny amount per
week
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 will surely reduce their spending.
Secondly
Linking Words
, it will promote spending on helpful purchases.
For example
Linking Words
, if you keep giving your children
money
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 when they ask for it, they will not understand the
value
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 of it when they grow up,
Finally
Linking Words
, the parents should make it clear that
this
Linking Words
 small amount is their children's
money
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 for the whole
week
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, and they don’t get to ask for more. In
the
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apply
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conclusion, it’s a great
way
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 to teach them the
value
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 of
money
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 and how to spend it the right
way
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, and because of it, they will think before buying anything.

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task response
Answer all parts of the question more fully. Say clearly why you agree, and add one more strong reason.
task response
Develop each main idea with a clear explanation. Some ideas are repeated, and some are too short.
task response
Use a real and clear example. Your example is on topic, but it is very general.
coherence and cohesion
Put your ideas in a clearer order. Each body paragraph should have one main point.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a more natural way. Some links are overused or not used well.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence connection and paragraph focus. A few sentences are hard to follow.
task response
You give a clear opinion from the start, and you keep the same view to the end.
coherence and cohesion
There is an introduction and a conclusion, so the essay has a full shape.
task response
The main topic stays the same through the essay, and your ideas are mostly relevant.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial responsibility
  • independence
  • financial literacy
  • work ethic
  • effort and reward
  • impulsive purchases
  • budgeting skills
  • critical thinking
  • sense of entitlement
  • modest amounts
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