IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Even though agriculture has improved, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this the case? What can be done about this problem?

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There has been increased concern that a majority of people worldwide are suffering from hunger despite agricultural advancements. Socioeconomic factors play a vital role in
this
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 unfortunate scenario, as do geographical differences. I believe the actions of governments and non-profit organisations are essential to tackle
this
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 matter. One of the main reasons for the occurrence of starving populations is uneven
food
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 distribution.
While
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 wealthy consumers are overstocking and wasting
food
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, lower-income individuals experience scarcity. As groceries become more expensive over time
due to
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 overconsumption and inflation, underprivileged people can no longer afford them.
Moreover
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, some countries suffer from disadvantaged geographical conditions,
such
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 as extreme weather and conflicts.
For instance
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, civilians in Gaza have been on the brink of starvation since the start of the war
as a result
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 of being cut off from humanitarian aid.
Similarly
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, in parts of Africa and Asia, crops cannot be grown because of drought or floods, leading to extreme
food
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 shortages. To solve
this
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 matter, governmental organisations are crucial for imposing strict rules and regulations to ensure
food
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 is evenly distributed. If grocery prices were regulated, inflation could be controlled. Imposing limitations on the number of items one can buy would not only stop overconsuming, but it could
also
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 prevent wasting.
In addition
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, organisations,
such
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 as NGOs and the UN, should operate closely with local communities to provide
aids
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aid
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 efficiently and funding to discover sustainable agricultural practices that are resilient to climate change. When countries can adapt to their extreme conditions to grow crops, starvation will be reduced as they would no longer need to rely on foreign
aids
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aid
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 and imports. To recapitulate, I firmly believe that governments properly regulating the market pricing would be a necessary first step to ensure every citizen has the means to feed themselves.
Nevertheless
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, climate change and conflicts remain a huge part of
this
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 problem that needs to be solved in the long term.

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task response
For task response, your ideas answer both questions, but some fixes are too simple for a very high score. Explain more how each fix can work in real life.
task response
For task response, be careful with claims like limiting how much people can buy. This may not fit all places. Add a more balanced view.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, your essay is easy to follow with clear paragraphing. To improve more, link some ideas more smoothly inside paragraphs.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, some words like 'this matter' and 'this unfortunate scenario' are a bit vague. Use clearer words like 'hunger' or 'food shortage'.
task response
For task response, you answered both parts of the question clearly: why hunger happens and what can be done.
task response
For task response, your examples are strong and relevant, especially Gaza and drought or floods in Africa and Asia.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, the essay has a clear shape: intro, reasons, solutions, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, topic sentences are clear, so the reader can understand your main point quickly.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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