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Writing Samples
Band 5

People think that the government should increase the cost of fuel for cars and other vehicles to solve environmental problems. To What extent do you agree or disagree?

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It is often argued that the government should make
the
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apply
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fuel
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 less affordable for
cars
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 and other
vehicles
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 to solve
the
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apply
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environmental issues. Personally, I agree with
this
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 idea because not only
the higher
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could the higher fuel price
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fuel
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 price could encourage
people
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 to
switch
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 to public
transport
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,
bikes
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or
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, or
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 even walking
but
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, but
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also
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 it could push the large
companies
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 to
use
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 electric
cars
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 and cleaner technology. If the government decides to make the
fuel
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 price less affordable by adding extra taxes for each
liter
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litre
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,
people
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 might
switch
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 to public
transport
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 and
bikes
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, which are less harmful to the environment.
According to
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 the
fuel
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 stations, every day
dozens
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, dozens
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 of
cars
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 arrive
for
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at
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 each station to fill up their
vehicles
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 with
fuel
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, and the vast majority of them are
people
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 with personal
cars
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. Extra taxes for
fuel
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 could possibly make the owners of personal automobiles
to
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apply
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use
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 public
transports
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transport
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,
such
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 as buses, trains or even
bikes
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 to reach their
destiny
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destination
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.
For example
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, in
in
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apply
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cities like London and Stockholm
because
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, because
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 of the higher cost of
the
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apply
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fuel
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citizens
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, citizens
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 prefer to
use
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 public
transport
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 and
bikes
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contributing
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, contributing
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 to lower carbon emissions in urban areas.
Furthermore
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,
price
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a price
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 change for
fuel
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 could
also
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 push
companies
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 and large manufacturers to
switch
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 to electric
vehicles
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. As today many factories and manufacturers heavily rely on cargo
transport
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, which uses a large amount of
fuel
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 and releases higher carbon emissions, it has substantial negative impacts on nature, and if
instead
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 they
would
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used
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use
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 electric lorries for transportation, the pollution level could decrease significantly. For
examples
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example
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, most
companies
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 in France started to
use
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 electric trucks because of the high
fuel
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 prices, and
as a
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result
Add a comma
result,
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 they reduced their carbon emissions. In conclusion, I strongly agree that the government should increase the cost of
fuel
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 because it could encourage
people
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 to
use
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 public
transport
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 and
bikes
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, and
also
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 push
companies
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 to
switch
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 to electric
vehicles
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, which would be beneficial for the environment.

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task response
Make your main idea more exact. Say not only that you agree, but also show why this is a strong way to cut pollution.
task response
Add one more side of the topic. For example, say that higher fuel cost may hurt poor people, then explain why you still agree.
task response
Use examples that sound more real and clear. Some examples now are too general or may not be easy to trust.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas more smoothly. Some long sentences are hard to follow, so break them into shorter parts.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear topic sentences at the start of each body paragraph. This will help the reader see your point fast.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating the same words too much, like fuel, public transport, and companies. Use simple changes in wording.
task response
You answer the question clearly and give a clear opinion from the start.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear shape: introduction, two body parts, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Each body paragraph has one main point, which helps the reader follow your ideas.
task response
You use examples to support your ideas, which is good for task response.
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