Nowadays the way many people interact with each other has changed because of technology. In what ways has technology affected the types of relationships people make? AHas this become a positive or negative development?

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Technology has significantly changed the way
individuals
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interact with one another these days.
This
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happens
due to
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the
individuals
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' exposure to various online platforms.
However
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, I believe
this
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should be seen as
negative
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a negative
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development because it reduces face-to-face interaction. Advanced technology has influenced
people
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's lives in several significant ways. Nowadays,
people
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can easily connect with anyone, even if they live in a different part of the world. They can send texts, make video calls, and communicate with each other through social media apps,
such
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as Facebook, Instagram , and
Whatsapp
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WhatsApp
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. These applications allow
individuals
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to connect instantly and effectively, regardless of long distances.
Moreover
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,
people
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can share their concerns and problems with
people
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from different nationalities by forming good friendships online.
Consequently
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, they feel more confident
,
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and make better decisions in the future. Despite these benefits,
this
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should be seen as a negative development because it reduces real-time social interaction. Many
individuals
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spend their time scrolling through their mobile screens,
instead
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of socialising with their friends
,
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and family members.
As a result
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, they often feel isolated
,
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and experience loneliness.
In addition
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,
people
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make friends online without knowing their real identity, and sometimes they blindly trust them.
This
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can put their privacy at risk, and cybercriminals may hack their private data for fraudulent purposes.
Therefore
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, I think the excessive reliance on these social sites may hurt them financially and emotionally.
To sum up
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,
although
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modern technology has made communication faster
,
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and more convenient, its negative side can not be ignored. Excessive dependence on online platforms has reduced real-life social interactions
,
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and increased feelings of loneliness, which they experienced
on
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while
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using social platforms.

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task response
Answer both parts more fully. You say why this is bad, but you can explain more clearly how technology changes the kinds of ties people make, such as more weak online ties and fewer close real-life ties.
task response
Give one or two clear examples. For example, show how a person keeps in touch with family abroad, or how too much screen time can harm close friendship.
task response
Develop each main idea a bit more. Some points are good, but a few stay general and need more detail.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, body, and end. Keep this plan.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. Some commas are not needed, and a few links feel overused. Try simple links like 'also', 'but', 'so', and 'for example'.
coherence and cohesion
Make each paragraph hold one main idea. This will help the flow feel more natural.
task response
You answer both parts of the task and give a clear view that this is a negative change.
task response
Your main ideas are easy to follow, such as easy contact across distance and less face-to-face talk.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is well organized with an introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Most ideas move in a clear order from one point to the next.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example
Topic Vocabulary:
  • keep in touch
  • long-distance relationship
  • social media
  • video call
  • text message
  • online friend
  • face-to-face communication
  • build connections
  • sense of closeness
  • work partner
  • online community
  • dating app
  • misunderstanding
  • real-life contact
  • feel isolated
  • save time
  • share ideas
  • emotional support
  • compare with others
  • positive development
  • negative development
  • balance
  • deep relationship
  • digital communication
  • make friends
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