IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

1.Some believe it is important for cities and towns to invest heavily in building large outdoor public spaces. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Try for free →
It is true that, nowadays, more and more
people
Use synonyms
 are trying to shift their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 toward a healthier lifestyle
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 many of them are choosing to walk regularly. Some claim that investing in constructing outdoor public
spaces
Use synonyms
 in both cities and towns is not necessary.
While
Linking Words
 others, including me, are strongly against
this
Linking Words
 notion. First of all, the
people
Use synonyms
 who
are saying
Wrong verb form
say
show examples
 spending on public
spaces
Use synonyms
 is not crucial have their own reasons. One of the reasons is that there are still many areas to invest in education. Since education is one of the strongest
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
 in any society, many
people
Use synonyms
 think, government should focus on that area rather than building large outdoor areas. Another reason is that
due to
Linking Words
hectic
Correct article usage
a hectic
show examples
 lifestyle, many
people
Use synonyms
 usually
spent
Wrong verb form
spend
show examples
 most of their
time
Use synonyms
 at their university, in their
work places
Correct your spelling
workplaces
 or at
their
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
home, which means they may not find enough
time
Use synonyms
 to spent outdoor places.
Thus
Linking Words
, as these examples highlight, investing heavily in building large outdoor public
spaces
Use synonyms
 is not our main priority.
However
Linking Words
, there are several benefits of having many large outdoor public
spaces
Use synonyms
. Once open public places are constructed in cities and towns, many residents start spending
time
Use synonyms
 in
there
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
, which can create a healthier society as it has many health benefits.
According to
Linking Words
World
Correct article usage
the World
show examples
 Health
Organization
Change the spelling
Organisation
show examples
 (WHO), residents who live near open
spaces
Use synonyms
 and spend more
time
Use synonyms
 surrounded by green areas
tent
Use the right word
tend
show examples
 to be healthier than others. Undoubtedly, open
spaces
Use synonyms
 can boost one’s mood as
it
Fix the agreement mistake
they
show examples
 can create
such
Linking Words
 a good atmosphere for walking or hanging out with friends.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 can encourage children to spend more
time
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
outside rather than playing
electronic
Change preposition
with electronic
show examples
 devices at home, which in turn increases their physical movement and improves their well-being.
Therefore
Linking Words
, investing in open public
spaces
Use synonyms
 is essential.
To sum up
Linking Words
,
prioritizing
Change the spelling
prioritising
show examples
 open public
spaces
Use synonyms
 is important and can bring many benefits, especially when it comes to well-being.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Make your main answer more clear in the first part. Say directly that you agree, and keep this same idea all through the essay.
task response
Add one or two more clear and real examples to support your ideas. This will make your points stronger.
task response
Explain your ideas a bit more fully. Some points are good, but they need deeper support.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a more natural way. Some parts connect well, but a few sentences feel a bit sudden.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one clear main idea in each paragraph. This will make the essay easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Check word forms and small grammar errors because they can make the flow less smooth.
task response
You answer both sides and give your own view.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Most ideas are easy to follow and are in a good order.
coherence and cohesion
You use some useful linking words like First of all, However, Moreover, and Therefore.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: