IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Government spending on restoration of old buildings in cities should be stopped. Instead they should spend the money for housing and road development. Do you agree or disagree?

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Try for free →
In many developing nations, government use to cling
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the past novelty and try to renovate and restore ancient buildings rather than
developing
Wrong verb form
develop
show examples
 new infrastructure,
such
Linking Words
 as housing and transport. I firmly believe that the authorities should allocate a large portion of the budget
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 enhancing the transportation system and accommodation. In
this
Linking Words
 fast-paced world, business and communication
plays
Correct subject-verb agreement
play
show examples
 a significant role in improving the financial status of countrymen. To enhance financial growth and become a developed nation, authorities should invest more of
its
Fix the agreement mistake
their
show examples
 financial budget
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 building new infrastructure.
Additionally
Linking Words
, if a government allocates more of its
resources
Use synonyms
 to build highways and multi-purpose buildings in urban areas, it can ultimately accommodate a large number of its population
into
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the cities.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, these newly accommodated individuals can contribute to the national economy by doing
businesses
Check wording
business
show examples
 and
work
Wrong verb form
working
show examples
.
Although
Linking Words
 the restoration needs a lower portion of monetary allocation and limited
resources
Use synonyms
, it will not be beneficial in terms of sustainability.
Conversely
Linking Words
, the newly
build
Replace the word
built
 structures,
such
Linking Words
 as multipurpose housing buildings and the transport
system
Punctuation problem
system,
show examples
 can sustain for a longer period of time.
However
Linking Words
, it requires
resources
Use synonyms
,
such
Linking Words
 as time, labour and an adequate amount of money.
This
Linking Words
 allocation of
resources
Use synonyms
 ultimately brings prosperity,
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
which
countrymen
Verb problem
benefits the countrymen
show examples
 and economical growth of a nation. Developed countries,
for instance
Linking Words
, the USA and
Australia
Punctuation problem
Australia,
show examples
 allot more of their annual budget
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 building and developing new infrastructure rather than renovating their ancient-structures. In conclusion, for sustainability and economic growth, authorities should invest more indeveloping transport systems and housing. I firmly believe
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 that it will be a
winning
Replace the word
win-win
 for both
nation
Fix the agreement mistake
nations
show examples
 and
its
Fix the agreement mistake
their
show examples
 countrymen.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Make your main view more direct in the first paragraph and keep the same view all through the essay.
task response
Add one or two more clear and real examples to support your ideas.
task response
Explain your ideas more fully. Some points are good, but they need one more sentence of support.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer topic sentences at the start of each body paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas more smoothly. Some sentences feel a bit sudden or not fully joined.
coherence and cohesion
Check paragraph unity. In one paragraph, keep one main idea only.
task response
You answer the question clearly and give your opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Most ideas are easy to follow in a logical order.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • historic
  • heritage
  • preservation
  • conservation
  • restoration
  • urban development
  • housing
  • road infrastructure
  • tourism
  • revenue
  • community
  • identity
  • property values
  • craftsmanship
  • architectural styles
  • job creation
  • economic growth
  • compromise
What to do next:
Look at other essays: