IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some old people today struggle with the use of modern technologies such as smartphones and computers. What is the cause of this? What are some possible solutions?

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The fact that elderly people nowadays face difficulty in using
tech
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 gadgets is a matter of grave concern. The purpose of
this
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 essay is to outline the possible factors involved and to suggest some remedial measures. Among the reasons, the most significant perhaps is
lack
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the lack
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 of exposure to
such
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devices
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 during their formative years because they did not grow up with digital
technology
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 and depended on traditional methods of communication and work.
Consequently
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, they lack the skills needed to operate modern
tech
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devices
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 efficiently. Another possible factor could be rapidly changing
technology
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as
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, as
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 modern
devices
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 introduce new applications
,
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and
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 operating systems more frequently.
As a result
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, elderly users find it difficult whenever familiar settings change, discouraging them from using these smart
devices
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. Despite the depth of the situation, there are workable solutions at our disposal. One would be to provide training programs to senior citizens. Governments and community centres could
organize
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organise
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 workshops where elderly people are taught how to use smartphones, computers, and online services.
As a result
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, they would become more familiar with
technology
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 and gain the confidence needed. Another step forward could be
technological
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for technological
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 companies
should
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to
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 start creating senior-friendly apps and
devices
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 so that they would find it easier to navigate the
technology
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.
For instance
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, a smartphone with a simplified interface and voice-controlled features can help seniors perform tasks without hardcore
tech
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 knowledge. In conclusion, less familiarity and
suddenly happening
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sudden
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 changes in the
tech
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 world appear to be at the root of
this
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 issue.
However
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, the problem can be resolved by providing coaching and building some user-friendly applications for
old-age
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older
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 individuals.

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task response
Answer both parts in a more full way. You give causes and solutions, but some ideas need a bit more detail.
task response
Use one clear example with more detail to make your point stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Keep your main idea clear in each paragraph and explain it step by step.
coherence and cohesion
Link some sentences more smoothly. A few parts feel a little forced or not natural.
task response
Be careful with wording like 'hardcore tech knowledge' and 'old-age individuals' because they sound less fit for this task.
task response
You answer both the cause and the solution parts of the question.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Most ideas are easy to follow and the order is logical.
task response
You include a useful example about a simple smartphone interface.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • technological advancement
  • older generations
  • formal education
  • user-friendly interfaces
  • community-based training programs
  • intergenerational learning
  • social isolation
  • subsidies
  • exposure
  • confidence
  • modern technology
  • hands-on experience
  • non-profit organizations
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