IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that the increasing use of computers and mobile phones for communication hurts young people's reading and writing skills. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

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In my opinion, it
couldn’t
Use synonyms
 hurt them with their reading or writing skills, but it still can hurt something else
instead
Linking Words
. When we are using
gadgets
Use synonyms
 to communicate or
something
Verb problem
do something
show examples
 else, it can bring us some experience, but
Linking Words
also it can
Correct word order
it can also
show examples
 cause some damage to our vision, attention or physical health. What do I mean? Let’s talk about it in detail. First of all, it can’t hurt our reading or writing skills. In reverse, it became more effective with
gadgets
Use synonyms
. Some people are actually using them to learn
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 how to talk about their opinion correctly without any problems.
Also
Linking Words
, people use them to learn languages, school materials that they
couldn’t
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 get formerly or just
couldn’t
Use synonyms
 understand properly.
Also
Linking Words
, people usually chat together in some messengers
such
Linking Words
 as Viber, WhatsApp, Telegram and others, so they can chat even faster than earlier, when they just started using them.
Second of all
Replace the word
Secondly
, it can damage our communication in real life, hurt our vision, or even make us feel more comfortable in the digital world. I was reading
news
Correct article usage
the news
show examples
 and discovered that scientists checked human’s psychical heath before and after chatting. Man, who was a challenger in their research, became angry
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 and
couldn’t
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 control his emotions properly , but yelled and cussed. So basically
gadgets
Use synonyms
 hurt our emotional stability, and sometimes our vision, attention, caring about others and so on.
Overall
Linking Words
, usually
gadgets
Use synonyms
 help us with chatting or reading in internet, but hurt other factors, and mental health. So what can I say? Don’t use
gadgets
Use synonyms
 all the time. Don’t let them take half of your life.

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task response
Answer the main question more directly. Say clearly if you agree, disagree, or partly agree, and keep this same idea through the whole essay.
task response
Write more about reading and writing skills, because this is the main topic. Do not spend too much time on health problems.
task response
Give clearer examples about how phones and computers help or hurt reading and writing. Your example about health does not fully match the task.
coherence and cohesion
Make each body paragraph focus on one main idea. This will make your essay easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a simple but clear way, like First, Also, However, and In conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Some ideas need more support. After you make a point, explain it with one short reason or one clear example.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task response
Your opinion is given early in the essay.
task response
You try to explain both good and bad sides of technology.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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