IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think that the government should spend more money on public services rather than wasting it on arts. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

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Some people believe that governments should spend more on public services
instead
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 of wasting it on the
arts
Use synonyms
.
While
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 I agree that public amenities should receive a larger proportion of government funding, I do not believe that spending money on the
arts
Use synonyms
 is a waste. Public services are essential for the well-being of society. Infrastructure
such
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 as healthcare, education, and public transportation directly affects people's daily lives.
For example
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, well-funded hospitals can provide better medical treatment,
while
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 good schools help students receive a quality education. If governments invest more capital in these areas, citizens can enjoy a higher standard of living.
Moreover
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, a well-established road system is a major contribution to the economic growth and development of the nation. Not only will it enable the citizens to move around with ease, but
also
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 attract transnational companies to set up in the country.
For example
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, the Thai government has been spending a large sum on building a good rail and road network , and
this
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 has attracted inflows from foreign investors.
However
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, the
arts
Use synonyms
also
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 play an important role in society. Museums, theatres, and art galleries help preserve a country's culture and history.
In addition
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, artistic events can attract tourists and contribute to the economy.
For instance
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, many countries,
such
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 as Thailand, are famous for their cultural festivals like Songkran, which generate income for local businesses.
As a result
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, completely ignoring the
arts
Use synonyms
 could have negative effects on both culture and tourism.
Furthermore
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, one way to maintain and pass on the culture of the country is through the
arts
Use synonyms
. Without the
arts
Use synonyms
, the future generation will have no notion of the history and the struggles that their ancestors had to face. To illustrate, Thailand has been ruled by several empires ranging from Ayuthaya, Sukothai and many more. All these would be forgotten if the
arts
Use synonyms
 received no funding.
Thus
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, in order to preserve these memories, it is vital that there be capital invested in the
arts
Use synonyms
 as well. In conclusion, I agree that governments should spend more funds on public amenities because they are necessary for meeting people's basic needs.
Nevertheless
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, I believe that the
arts
Use synonyms
 should continue to receive some funding
due to
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 their cultural impact on
the
Correct article usage
apply
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future
generation
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generations
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. The focus should be more on public services.

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task response
Make your main view more clear in the first paragraph and keep the same view to the end.
task response
Explain some ideas more fully, so each main point has a clear reason and result.
task response
Use one clear example for each main point and make sure it fits the point well.
coherence and cohesion
Group close ideas in one paragraph to avoid saying the same point two times.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a simple and natural way. Do not add too many.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence order, so each idea grows step by step.
task response
You answer both sides of the topic and give your own view.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
task response
You use real examples about Thailand to support your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Most paragraphs stay on one main idea.
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