IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Some People believe that crime is a result of social problems and poverty, while other think that crime is a result of bad company. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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It is commonly believed by many that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 social and financial conditions
leads
Correct subject-verb agreement
lead
show examples
 to committing a
crime
Use synonyms
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
whereas
Linking Words
,
the
Correct word choice
whereas
show examples
 others believe that it is the bad influence that results in wrongdoing.
Although
Linking Words
 poverty and the social norms highly
tends
Correct subject-verb agreement
tend
show examples
 the person to commit a
crime
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as theft or bribery for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
survival, bad influence can lead to a more dangerous
crime
Use synonyms
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as murder and sexual-harassment. On the one hand, the people with low income or poor financial background are forced to
do
Verb problem
commit
show examples
 crimes
such
Linking Words
 as bribery,
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
this
Linking Words
 helps them survive without starving. It is the situation of
such
Linking Words
 people that
force
Correct subject-verb agreement
forces
show examples
 them to do the
law breaking
Correct your spelling
law-breaking
 activities.
For instance
Linking Words
, in
2020
Punctuation problem
2020,
show examples
 a person from
kerala has been
Wrong verb form
Kerala was
show examples
 brutally punished by the public since he stole some food items from a shop. In
this
Linking Words
 case, he stole food just to survive from death.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some believe that the undesirable company of people will lead to committing severe crimes. I agree to
this
Linking Words
 statement, because a person in a bad company can get influenced to use illegal
substance
Check wording
substances
show examples
 and under the influence of
substance
Check wording
substances
show examples
 they tend to do
crime
Use synonyms
 as
big
Correct word choice
serious
show examples
 as rape and murder. In conclusion, eventhough the poverty leads a man to commit
Use synonyms
crime
Check wording
crimes
show examples
such
Linking Words
 as theft
due to
Linking Words
 survival
instints
Correct your spelling
instincts
, the toxic circles can lead to
crime
Use synonyms
 under substance abuse, which involves murder.

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task response
Answer both views in a more equal way. Your view is clear, but the first side needs a bit more detail.
task response
Add one more clear idea for each side, and explain how it leads to crime.
task response
Use examples with more detail, but keep them close to the main point.
coherence and cohesion
Make each body paragraph follow one clear plan: main idea, explain, example.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a simple and correct way, like on the one hand, on the other hand, for example, as a result.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence joining. Some parts have too many ideas in one sentence, so the meaning is not always clear.
task response
You answered both parts of the question and gave your opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion.
task response
You used an example to support your point.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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