IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many doctors say that people in today’s world do not do enough physical ‎exercise. What do you think are the causes of It? What solutions are there to It ‎problem?‎

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Doctors argue that individuals don't meet recommended levels of physical activity these days
comparing
Wrong verb form
compared
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 to the past. I strongly agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 that nowadays, people are not moving as much as
it is required
Fix the agreement mistake
they should
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. In
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
essay,
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 I will be discussing the reasons and the solutions for
this
Linking Words
 issue.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the primary cause for the lack of physical exercise is the recent
difussion
Correct your spelling
diffusion
 of technology, which has led to bringing the world to you by using
smart phones
Correct your spelling
smartphones
 and computers.
For
Linking Words
instance
Add a comma
instance,
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 there is no need to go for grocery shopping every couple of days
as
Punctuation problem
, as
show examples
 you can shop online and it will be delivered to your
door step
Correct your spelling
doorstep
. Another example individuals can use mobile banking
instead
Linking Words
 of going to the actual bank.
Nowadys
Correct your spelling
Nowadays
, people spend more screen time and less physical interaction with friends and
less
Correct determiner usage
fewer
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 activities like playing football and other sports.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the increase
of vehicles
Change preposition
in vehicle
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 production resulted in the
availablity
Replace the word
availability
 of cars
in
Change preposition
at
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 affordable prices,
Linking Words
Consequently
Correct word choice
apply
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the majority of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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people are able to buy them, and
due to
Linking Words
 that
children
Punctuation problem
, children
show examples
 are no longer walking to schools and adults are driving to work and to run errands. In order to increase the physical exercise
communities
Punctuation problem
, communities
show examples
 should raise awareness about the significance of being in shape.
Moreover
Linking Words
, Governments should support by organising marathons and assist by rewarding the behaviour
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 will encourage and inspire individuals to commit to exercise. In conclusion,
workout
Replace the word
working out
 and staying active will maintain the body and
the
Correct article usage
apply
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mental health
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 certainly it will keep the doctors away.

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task response
Answer both parts more fully. You gave causes and solutions, but the solutions part is shorter.
coherence and cohesion
Make your main idea very clear at the start of each body paragraph.
task response
Add one more clear example for the solutions part to make your ideas stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words more carefully. Some links are good, but a few sentences are long and not easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Keep each paragraph on one main point only, then explain it step by step.
task response
You answered the question and wrote about both causes and solutions.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task response
You used relevant examples like online shopping, banking, and cars.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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